swellter | INBOX for deercountry

You asked me what I wanted to do.

That's what I want.

[ And he likes it when he brushes his hair, it's a soothing and intimate sort of thing that's honestly incredibly foreign to him that he appreciates all the more because of that. But still.

Allen shifts his weight back towards Shouto's knees, leaning back a little so he can see him properly—and raises a sole finger to wag artfully at him. Head tipped to the side at an angle that's just a little bit saucy. ]

You told me I should do it myself after dinner earlier too.

Edited 2022-12-21 06:13 (UTC)

[ He doesn't see saucy. He sees what's in front of him which isn't an affirmative. ]

You can do that too.

[ Also unsurprising, but you can't blame him for trying.

Shaking his head for a moment (giving up? saying that's alright, he doesn't need or want to?), Allen smiles softly and leans in to press his lips to his cheek in a chaste and gossamer kiss. Somewhere between forgiving and apology. ]

I like it when you do it.

[ A touch puzzled by the unexpected kiss, he looks to Allen for guidance. Was that a yes? He's not sure. Won't assume either, and simply stares at him trying to decipher his answer. ]

Do you want me to brush it?

Yes.

[ Said with a smile and a gentle sort of certainty. However, there's a very faintly coy quality to it as he crosses his wrists behind Shouto's neck and leans back a little. ]

If you tell me why you said you wanted me to do it earlier.

[ Not entirely off the hook that easily. ]

Edited 2022-12-22 02:11 (UTC)

[ Shouto tracks him as he leans back, lifting his chin by a notch to keep his face in focus. He's not entirely sure where he's going with his question but answers nonetheless. ]

You're usually covered in flour when you make soba, but today you weren't.

There's no dishes either. You're not usually this neat.

[ Considering he ends up on self-appointed clean-up duty it's the first thing he noticed. ]

Your hair is slightly wet still. [ He reaches for a loose strand, noting a small knot. ] You don't usually have it tangled.

[ He looks at him. ]

You didn't have to do everything yourself.

Edited 2022-12-22 02:51 (UTC)

[ "Not usually this neat." ]

[ But, oh... the sting is barely noticed and Allen blinks slightly at the unexpected answer, features softening. Realizing how observant Shouto had been of little details, and he recalls the book he'd seen in the innermost part of the nightmare world, the one a part of Shouto himself had shown him.

No, he was always more observant of some things than he let on. ]

That explains why you want to do it now, but not what you said earlier.

[ You already knew he'd done all of that then. His tone is softer though, the question born from wanting to understand this time. ]

And I wanted to do all that. Even if I didn't mean to make you feel left out, either. [ He brushes a few loose strands of scarlet hair past Shouto's ear, a gentle and errant gesture. Lingers there for a moment, considering what he says next. ]

When I've been thinking so much about what it is I want to do in the year to come... I'd wanted to hear what it is you want too and not have to worry about cleaning up getting in the way of that.

[ He tilts his head, trying to figure out his line of thinking, coming up blank. ]

'You should use it'?

[ Is that what you want to know? ]

You usually keep your clothes and hair neat. You kept your clothes clean, but not your hair.

[ Despite the trail of messes he left behind, he always managed to look prime and proper. More so than him sometimes. So, the times he wasn't stood out to him, especially when he's been keeping a closer eye on him. He took the time to change to keep his clothes clean, but he very noticeably didn't afford his hair the same treatment. ]

Were you in a hurry?

[ A question he would very much like to know the answer to. As for feeling left out, he nods at the statement. Accepting his words at face value. Knowing that that wasn't his intent settles his suspicions altogether and he leans into the palm of his hand near his ear. ]

I don't think it's in the way: the cleaning.

Isn't that a part of sharing a home?

Edited 2022-12-22 05:23 (UTC)

Mm, that. [ His tone is a little distracted though; even if he originally brought it up (cheekily, to tease) it isn't the important thing anymore as he understands a little more what Shouto had been thinking. His expression is one of slight, soft surprise when he says that last line in particular. Sharing a home.

Allen hums quietly in response, eyes hooding softly as he cups Shouto's cheek when he leans into it. ]

I think so. I wouldn't really know from experience...

[ His voice gets very light at that; very airy, like he's skating around the words themselves. Having a home. Knowing what people do in one. A little very, very briefly from when he was a very small child with Mother, Baba, and Cross, but... he was very little and too traumatized and broken to really pick up such things. ]

I guess sometimes I just feel like I should be doing more.

[ Allen pauses; a little unsure maybe, admitting something like that, and his chin dips slightly. Bites the inside of his lip a little as he smiles in a gentle, more fragile sort of way, and repeats the motion of tucking Shouto's hair behind his ear. ]

And tonight was special-- but I guess I was hurrying a little. I wasn't planning on having to wash up.

[ Questions arise starting with a thoughtful look in his direction. Quiet in its concern. Paired with a blooming awareness that Allen didn't have a conventional childhood. He didn't know all the details but he knew enough to start making educated assumptions.

You had Mana, though. Just like he had his mother. And that made all the difference. Yet, there's something in his answer that snags his attention and keeps him from moving on. ]

You have experience.

Isn't that what we've been doing all these months?

[ Sharing a home. Was he the only one who thought so? ]

More of what?

[ His nose wrinkles, losing him. He already did so much, what else was he meant to be doing? But instead of pressing him, he waits for him to continue, catching every detail that crosses his face. ]

Why was it special?

[ This time, it's Shouto's turn to cup his face. His fingers skim across his cheek, head tilted slightly at the building concern. What did I miss? ]

[ Isn't that what we've been doing all these months? Oh-- it's an obvious thing, but it still makes Allen's heart twist in a warm way. He smiles softly, like that's painful in such an incredibly sweet way, and for a moment his knees press in a little tighter. ]

It's special because it made me realize if I've been here one year... I could be here many years. All of them. And if this is everything going forward, then there's a lot I have to think about in terms of what I still want to do. How the person I've always been can continue to be when everything else has changed. Because if what you said before about how what's 'now' is what matters... the same is true in considering how to move forward instead of just going through day to day motions while waiting for something to change.

And I want to know all those things for you, too.

[ It's what he'd been trying to say earlier, but failed in not knowing how to bring it up.

His expression is soft as he talks, voice light and airy. Speaking gently and plainly like he considers such things regularly, matters of direction and bearing and what he wants to be and do with clarity and a deeply contemplative thoughtfulness. The difference is just the scope, the moment the paradigm shifted to something bigger. Realizing the ability and in fact drive to shape a future and not just always reacting and responding to what's directly in front of you.

Allen's expression flickers lightly though, fond and bittersweet both, and he brings his other, left hand up to rest over Shouto's. Cupping the hand that cups his cheek with his own scarlet one. ]

...But it's been a year since I met you too, so maybe I was also just feeling a little nostalgic.

[ He says it so very, very gently. ]

The last few months is the only experience I have in such things, sharing a home like this... So even if they're some of the happiest ones, I'm still trying to figure that out too. How people are supposed to do that.

[ His fingers fan out lightly, tracing along the edge of Shouto's jaw. ]

But I'm really grateful to be able to.

Edited 2022-12-22 07:27 (UTC)

[ Bit by bit, his explanation gives meaning to the evening and the questioning look in his eyes fades. Understanding dawns as the image comes into focus. You wanted to talk about the future. It seems so easy when it's laid down in front of him with no distracting kisses to blind him to his intent. With new understanding comes self-reflection which earns a small smile that starts with a quirk of mouth.

His focus shifts from 'What's wrong?' to 'How can I help?' And in this new space, he's not so lost. Marching forward into the unknown with no direction other than a firm idea of finding a better path is familiar to him. Coming across someone important to him along that road feels like a gift. Someone to share the journey with.

This whole time he thought he was the one behind trying to catch up to Allen who had a head start with his feelings, yet for the first time, it feels like he's finally caught up.

He smiles. A fond and sweet smile that warms his eyes and leaves traces of heat on his skin. He's always found solidarity in their similarities but it's their differences that he enjoys the most. He kisses his cheek. A press of lips, warm to the touch followed up by a hand at his mid-back. In a simple move, he gathers him up in his arms and stands, carrying him to the small nook where he often read to him. It's become a place he associates with intimate talks and deposits them both on the bedding that's barely big enough to fit them both.

With his back to the wall, he sets Allen back on his lap and leans down to cover up the thin scar with a multitude of kisses while he reaches for his hand, the contrast of white and red not as prominent as his bed of hair. Lacing their fingers together Shouto moves his attention down his neck laying down a trail of kisses along the way. ]

I don't know what people are supposed to do. [ He nuzzles his neck. ] I just know what I feel. I'm not going through the motions or waiting for things to change.

[ He sucks gently at the juncture of his neck and collar welcoming the molten heat that churns inside him. ]

But I don't mind waiting with you.

Edited 2022-12-22 13:52 (UTC)

[ Who's being distracting with kisses now? But, oh-- what takes Allen's breath away isn't that, it's that smile. The other times he's smiled so broadly, so deeply from the heart... they were in situations where Allen was reeling so hard from either his own death or that Nea could still live in him were he to return to his past that he couldn't appreciate them. But this time his sole focus is on him, and he stares as it truly hits him. That rare glimpse of the gentle nature of his heart so clearly expressed when normally so much of him is so muted and buried deep.

Something so very beautiful.

Ah. You're smiling like that for me... because of us.

Technically he's surprised when Shouto lifts him up out of the blue, but he goes with it unquestioningly. Overwhelmed still by his realization, Allen wraps his arms around his neck and buries his face against it in response, hugging on tight as he's carried over to the nook. Everything you make me feel--

Sometimes, it's so much it hurts.

His eyes flutter shut when he starts kissing down the line of his scar, something that might taste so faintly saline from the small amount of it collected at the corner of his eye, and Allen squeezes Shouto's hand gently with a quiet desperation in return, ever so mindful even in such a state with his left. Breath hitching slightly when he starts moving down and catches the edge of his jaw near his ear, and Allen stretches his neck to give him better access. Clutches at the cloth at his side like he finds restraint that way. This--

This is what beautiful feels like. With Shouto continuing to speak gently while nuzzling at his neck and holding him, even if Allen's barely half aware of what he's saying. Close and warm and private, with the tucked-away and intimate feeling he's come to associate with the nook ever since they first started sleeping in it after the house flooded. With feeling this open and exposed and able to talk so plainly without feeling like needing to hide away.

But he sucks at the delicate skin of his neck then, gentle and slow, and something trips up in Allen then. He jolts, caught off-guard as his stomach abruptly drops, and it pulls a soft moan from him that sounds strange to his own ears.

Crap. His fingers squeeze tighter; right hand clenching into his shirt to pull him close and anchor them. ]

I thought-- [ ah... he says it hazily just above his ear. distracted ] ...you wanted to brush my hair?

[ It'd be cheeky, but he doesn't have the breath for it. ]

[ The sounds he makes do little to deter him when he finally feels like he's caught up. He knows so little of how they're supposed to be together nothing ever feels out of place. He relies mainly on how he feels. This feels right if a little heated. He was built to withstand that better than most and keeps a cool head even as Allen drags him down by the collar of his shirt.

He likes that. ]

I'm still waiting on you. I'm supposed to explain myself until you're satisfied with my answer.

[ He turns his head to suck gently at his throat. ]

Remember?

Edited 2022-12-23 00:09 (UTC)

[ That's just cheating. Allen jolts again, smaller this time but with a stuttered breath. ]

A-ah...

[ Oh. That really is nice. In a way where even he without heat-related powers finds himself warming noticeably from it, but maybe that's also because of Shouto. ]

No? [ You expect him to think when you're doing that?

His free hand comes up to rake through Shouto's hair though, elbow pressing tight to his shoulder and still clutching onto him that way. Squirms a little, even as he leans back into his embrace to give him better room. Melts back, really, trusting his weight to him. ]

[ He takes up his weight with little issue and places a steady hand on the center of his back to press him just a bit closer. ]

You were very adamant about it.

[ Wouldn't let it go, so it's a little telling that he's having trouble remembering it. He might be slow on the uptake but once he's found his footing, it's a steady climb up. ]

[ You know if you were literally anyone else he'd think you were teasing him and he'd have Quite A Lot to say about that. This is karma, isn't it. Allen lets out a soft sigh though, gently squeezing their clasped hands when Shouto touches his back to pull him closer. ]

I think I was also being stupid. [ He huffs it faintly. He's still only half-following what Shouto is saying and is aware enough to know it doesn't really all add up, but that he also absolutely doesn't care that it doesn't. Past him was an idiot, whatever he was thinking. Or accidentally brilliant, one of the two.

Allen slides his human hand down, letting is rest at the back of Shouto's neck encouragingly as he nuzzles at the crown of his head. Trailing quick but soft kisses wherever he can reach. ]

But I think I like this better too.

Edited 2022-12-23 06:36 (UTC)

[ Maybe you're just used to being teased and see it everywhere. Or maybe he's just blind and doesn't even know it's a thing people do, otherwise, he'd very much question Allen about it. Thoroughly. ]

I think you really wanted to know something.

[ What that is still eludes him, not that he cares very much at the moment, preoccupied with other things. It's a good thing he's a good multi-tasker, keeping up with the conversation with little effort, while his sole focus seems to be on other things. Usually, sleep, but right now, he's trying to figure out the pitch of that sound he made earlier while Allen keeps stealing his attention with distracting kisses and almost forgets to ask the most important question: ]

Did you figure it out?

[ Hey, he... is actually absolutely used to being teased all the time for everything. Wow. How dare.

But then, that's also part of why he finds his company so disarming and easy to let his guard down around.

Allen blinks at that slightly though, his head clearing enough at the question that it steals his focus away from the distracting attention Shouto's been giving his neck. Realizing it's important and that he can't lose sight of it. ]

"Figure it out?"

Edited 2022-12-23 06:58 (UTC)

[ He kisses his throat. ]

You wanted to know why I wanted to brush your hair.

[ Ah, a small squirm. Fingers shifting restlessly at the nape of his neck. ]

Mm.. [ Actually he didn't, he wanted to know why you told him to brush his own hair because while sounding outrageously rude at the time Allen realized later there was probably a deeper reason he'd still tease Shouto for his execution on, but that honestly seems silly and petty now. This is what's important.

Allen runs his fingers through his hair, with a loving tenderness as he messes the dividing line between white and red. Head tipped back to bare his throat. ]

I think I have an idea.

Red and white get tangled up on either side, no longer stubbornly returning to their proper place like they used too. A reflection of the eroding divide between his left and right side. Where he was hesitant with his fire at first, now it's only habit that has him draw on his ice first

It's the same with his feelings. Where first he was uncertain, now he no longer hesitates to brush his mouth against his, dragging him closer, kissing his cheek. His throat which he has a mild fascination with at the moment. Stemming from the alluring sounds he made earlier.

Does it involve kissing you?

[ He asks while leaning down to explore the open terrain. ]

I like doing that.

[ Even with his mouth set against his throat in a way that feels searing and makes Allen's stomach flutter the more attention Shouto pays there, recalling how he'd followed the line of his scar down before, that sort of response pulls a laugh of all things from him. The rare kind that bubbles up light and carefree in a weird mix of true joy and desire. ]

I meant I had had an idea about why you wanted to. [ Haha... The laugh stays in his tone, infinitely fond, and his hips roll forward slightly as his spine curves to accommodate the exploration. ]

But I like that too.

Edited 2022-12-23 07:53 (UTC)

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