[ Family would always be a complication in his life. One he wouldn't turn his back on again. He spent so many years accepting the way things were, growing angry with every passing year, he couldn't ever go back to that kind of existence. Maybe that's why he prioritizes his feelings when it comes to his relationships. Why he doesn't mind the tangents they take when it means he can be with Allen like this. It's too easy to get caught up in his momentum, letting it sweep him up and run with it.
Maybe they are as bad as those couples on TV, unable to keep their hands off each other, but is that so bad? He's never cared what others think. His priorities extend to the two of them. His feelings, and in this case, Allen's. So, when he pulls away, instead of pulling him back down, Shouto makes an effort to figure out what's wrong. ]
Tea?
[ He repeats looking half-dazed. If you think he remembers about the tea, you have more faith in him than he deserves. As it stands, he's grasping at straws. ]
Allen blinks for a moment a touch comically, hesitant to assume he really did just space out like that, before he chuckles good naturedly. Reaches out to stroke the left side of Shouto's cheek lightly; fondly. ]
No. [ He smiles though, perfectly content and in no hurry. Is tea something you really drink because you're thirsty anyway? It's something he associates more with it being warm and calming. ]
[ He looks down, catching sight of the setup laid out at his feet. The teapot resting on top of the tea caddy. The wooden whisk set to the side. His own cup, cooling in the middle of it. ]
Oh...
[ It's long since gone cold. He knows that without needing to taste it. Tepid. Not the good cold that is iced matcha. He looks up, remembering the number of sweaters he'd seen people wearing on his way home from the pastry shop. The sun had come down since then, so it must be colder now. ]
I'll warm it up.
[ A cold drink in winter wasn't something most people chose to drink, so he reaches for Allen's cup and gently warms it back up, careful not to boil it. ]
[ Allen was far from complaining about it, but the thoughtfulness makes him smile and he accepts the warmed drink with a murmur of thanks and cups it with both hands. At least he'd gotten the sweetness to where he wanted it before, he notes as he sips it lightly and finds the warmth as comforting as the taste. Definitely made the right call in stealing one of Shouto's sweaters after he had to clean up.
He tugs a little at Shouto a moment later, encouraging him to sit by him as he makes a point of nudging the plate of handmade noodles towards him. ]
We should eat before you make me think I wasted my time learning how to make soba. [ INSULT TO INJURY, his greatest annoyance's favorite dish.
But it's lightly teasing as Allen waves a chopstick at him Very Seriously. ]
[ A fact he will never understand. It fits him too big. Wouldn't Allen want something his size? If he had any inkling to talk about clothes other than their practical use, he might bring it up. Considering he doesn't, it's only a passing thought.
The tug in his direction is enough to have him shift over until their knees press against each other. As for the food. He looks at him almost crestfallen at the comment. As much as someone who barely emotes can look. ]
Why would it be a waste of time?
[ It's his most admirable skillset just under his ability to cleanse corruption. Why would he think it's a waste of time? ]
[ Did you actually just compare his ability to muddle through making a very simple noodle dish with his ability to fight without harming the living and saving souls? Shouto...
... Well. Allen would probably answer similar. He saw Link's baking ability as his most admirable quality as well. Chefs and bakers are artisans and truly heroes to the people. ]
I like all food equally. [ Answered so loftily in an offhanded way as he swirls the noodles about to roll them onto his chopsticks like some would spaghetti onto a fork, demure and elegant in his manner if didn't make him a total heathen. It's because it lets him take bigger bites this way. ]
Especially mitarashi dango. ✰
[ There was... logic there. Allen's kind of food-centric values system logic. ]
[ Yes, and his ability to save souls without harming them wins out! But, it's a fair comparison! How many people do you think know how to make soba?! FEW. SO VERY FEW. Him included! ]
No, you don't.
[ Don't lie to him, he's seen you eat enough times to know that's not true. They had to have a talk about his candy-eating habits in bed, remember? ]
You like sweets better.
[ He says it matter-of-factly as he picks up an appropriate amount of noodles with his chopsticks and dips them in the sauce. Unlike Allen, Shouto eats at a steady pace. His table manners are also a little more polished, an easy comparison to make when they're seated side by side. For anyone watching them, they'd probably notice that Shouto paid little attention to Allen's table manners, keeping his attention on his noodles most of the time unless spoken to which usually catches him off guard, a tell from eating alone for most of his life. ]
Why didn't you make that instead?
[ He asks, as he slurps up his noodles, a pleased look settling in as he chews on one side, giving him a mochi cheek as he picks up more noodles. They were better than the last batch he made, with more texture, and chewy. Still a little uneven but the taste was there. Smiling to himself, Shouto dips another set of noddles into the dipping sauce before slurping those up too. ]
[ Gasp, he looks so shocked at such a brazen accusation. Et tu! ]
No way! Sweets are just convenient and easier to eat a lot of! [ He has to keep his blood sugar up, you know? Calorie demands!! Although technically, mitarashi dango are sweets, yes... don't poke holes in his logic.
He pops what is essentially a noodle lolipop into his mouth as opposed to Shouto's slurping and spends a moment chewing it, sporting some impressive chipmunk cheeks as he does so but also looking contemplative as he watches Shouto eat. Thoughtful, noting the way he smiles and seems content.
Thankfully, he swallows before answering. ]
I don't know how. [ He says it plainly and matter-of-fact. He knows what someone who's had to be self-sufficient in a Victorian era from a very early age would have to know to sustain themselves without much money and what Viktor has essentially tricked him into learning (like soba), but it's both basic and scattershot. And no one should teach him how to make dango or... that's all he'd ever make.
His heart catches a little on Shouto's expression though, subtle that it is, because that isn't really the reason. ]
Besides, I wanted to make this because you like soba best.
[ Bears and honey... what? Allen blinks at him slightly for that, trying to follow as he chews somewhat absently on another mouthful but... no, you lost him. He's gotten used to trying to follow the bizarre directions Shouto can go sometimes with a conclusion with dutiful patience and understanding, but that one...
The observation that he is not a bear just gets an artfully quirked eyebrow from Allen. ]
I guess that's why I prefer bakeries to beehives. [ Said dryly. But he tips his head slightly at a curious angle at the comment about soba.
Did you really not know why he learned? Wasn't it obvious? ]
[ Shouto notices no difference in his tone and keeps on chewing until his mochi cheeks disappear and he picks up more noodles. You know, he'll never get tired of soba. So it's surprising that he doesn't try to eat it for every meal, only most of them. He does know something about nutrition and takes it seriously. ]
Me too. The bees are safe that way.
[ Said without an ounce of jest. ]
[ Do you really think he'd figure it out unless Allen told him? ]
[ THE BEES ARE SAFE??? choking, just a bit. What kind of animal do you take him for!
... ...
A bear, apparently. You're lucky you distract him with mention of dango and Viktor, two of his favorite things, or he'd sulk. ]
Mm, he does! [ Eyes brightening, he clicks his chopsticks together and gestures animatedly with them. ] He learned it for the festival. They were really good.
[ Where, as Shouto may recall, Allen had more than a few platefuls. Nutrition knows him not; that's what Link would nag him about. ]
[ Normally pointing out he might have fresh-made dango in his future would make Allen brighten visibly, and for a moment it does—before the when of it hits him and he falters slightly. Ah, that's right... next month is Christmas, isn't it? He knew what time of year it was, and yet...
Lost in his thoughts, he doesn't answer right away and has to take a moment to shake it off and refocus back on the present. ]
Aah... [ His voice is softer even as he voices that in the affirmative, his gaze dropping to his plate as he smiles, but his eyes are a gentle kind of sad. Last bite left, but he just picks at it with his chopsticks. ]
[ As he dips more noddles in his sauce, grey and teal flicker over to Allen. He might not be able to read people that well but he knew Allen well enough now to notice a difference in his demeanor. ]
Eh? [ Ah, no— he shakes his head lightly at that as soon as he glances up. ]
No, not wrong. [ It's the truth, even if he is stirring his noodles around in circles more than he's eating them. How does he put it in a way that isn't worrisome... ]
More like... do some times of the year ever have you stop and think back to someone you might miss? [ He says it gently, looking back down at his plate again. ]
[ Despite the odd question, he takes a moment to consider it. Growing up, he remembers missing his mother, but he always knew where to find her: the psychiatric ward of the hospital.
[ Oh... while Allen's never heard of Mother's Day before, suddenly that makes a lot of sense even without knowing the full story about Shouto's mother. He can understand enough from what the context of that holiday has to be and what he's seen and heard about her. And that it's a landmine full of deep, complicated feelings he didn't mean to tread so near.
Hesitating for a moment, he sets his own chopsticks down and just shifts over slightly. So he can lean lightly against him and let their shoulders press together in a silent offer of support. ]
Mm. [ Mindful, as his gaze drops to where their knees are. ]
[ There's no need for words. The weight of him at his shoulder is enough to settle the melancholy of those unhappy days.
Something like that...
He can fathom of a guess, but he refrains. If Allen wanted to tell him, he would. Instead, he leans into him, adding his own weight into the mix and wraps an arm around him, settling at his waist. ]
[ There's a bittersweet poetry in that. As Allen likewise would like to know more, but also refrains as he figures if it was something Shouto actually wanted to talk about he would. While he does understand that's almost never the case and he's a man of very few words... that sort of topic isn't one to pry about. Some things you just gave people their space on unless they wanted to come to you first. It's a healthy respect Exorcists in particular had for each other, since for most of them... the reasons that brought them to becoming Exorcists in the first place were generally rooted in deep personal tragedy.
So he smiles faintly when he feels his arm slip around him, the bittersweet memories once again fading at the touch, and turns to press a soft, lingering kiss to his ear.
[ While it was one terribly rough when he was a child, ever since he understood the nature of his heart and his Innocence reshaped to reflect that it's actually quite smooth and lacks much texture at all, hardened and like polished carapace except where there's plating over his fingers. The question catches Allen slightly offguard, and he glances up from watching how their fingers move against each other. Stares for a moment with a sort of gentle awe, before he squeezes Shouto's hand very, very gently in return. ]
Mm, I will. [ He says it automatically, but it's still true. He'll be nostalgic and some of those memories are deeply sad, but that's okay. He doesn't drown in them anymore. ]
I don't feel that way anymore. I made peace with it before I arrived here.
[ He took steps to rekindle his relationship with his mother. Saw her smile once more, and with it, the ache of that time in his life receded. Somehow, he doesn't think it's the same for Allen. Not with the way he looked just now. ]
If that changes.
[ He brings his hand to his lips, brushing a kiss on the polished carapace armor. ]
[ Oh, his heart lodges solidly in his throat at that, watching Shouto kiss his left hand so delicately. That's never going to get old, you know? For the same sorts of reasons why Allen will always easily blush. Freely and affectionately showing that sort of kindness, especially to that hand... Saying something like that so obviously, I'll be here by your side...
It takes him a moment to swallow past that lump and with it the slight sting of possible tears again, and another to push down the desire to reach for him again. Climb onto his lap and kiss him until he made those soft sighs again. Aaah, when did he get so needy?
He leans over to press his forehead lightly to Shouto's, letting their hair mesh together as the fingertips of his human hand skim lovingly along his jaw and thread into the red strands. The movement is delicate but a surge, threadbare and desperate but restrained, tension in his body like he's holding himself so precariously.
The last time he made this sort of promise-- ]
Me too. [ It's soft, but his voice cracks slightly. For however many years to come.
When he kisses him, it's a statement of intent. A selfish pursuit born out of a desire to be close to him. Touch him. Just as much as Allen. He was slow on the uptake, but once he knew what he wanted, it's become commonplace for them to end up like this. One kiss sparks another until they lose track of who started in the first place. ]
You are here.
[ He turns his head to the side, kissing the hand skimming down his jaw. ]
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Maybe they are as bad as those couples on TV, unable to keep their hands off each other, but is that so bad? He's never cared what others think. His priorities extend to the two of them. His feelings, and in this case, Allen's. So, when he pulls away, instead of pulling him back down, Shouto makes an effort to figure out what's wrong. ]
Tea?
[ He repeats looking half-dazed. If you think he remembers about the tea, you have more faith in him than he deserves. As it stands, he's grasping at straws. ]
Are you thirsty?
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Allen blinks for a moment a touch comically, hesitant to assume he really did just space out like that, before he chuckles good naturedly. Reaches out to stroke the left side of Shouto's cheek lightly; fondly. ]
No. [ He smiles though, perfectly content and in no hurry. Is tea something you really drink because you're thirsty anyway? It's something he associates more with it being warm and calming. ]
But you're the one who made it.
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Oh...
[ It's long since gone cold. He knows that without needing to taste it. Tepid. Not the good cold that is iced matcha. He looks up, remembering the number of sweaters he'd seen people wearing on his way home from the pastry shop. The sun had come down since then, so it must be colder now. ]
I'll warm it up.
[ A cold drink in winter wasn't something most people chose to drink, so he reaches for Allen's cup and gently warms it back up, careful not to boil it. ]
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He tugs a little at Shouto a moment later, encouraging him to sit by him as he makes a point of nudging the plate of handmade noodles towards him. ]
We should eat before you make me think I wasted my time learning how to make soba. [ INSULT TO INJURY, his greatest annoyance's favorite dish.
But it's lightly teasing as Allen waves a chopstick at him Very Seriously. ]
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The tug in his direction is enough to have him shift over until their knees press against each other. As for the food. He looks at him almost crestfallen at the comment.
As much as someone who barely emotes can look.]Why would it be a waste of time?
[ It's his most admirable skillset just under his ability to cleanse corruption. Why would he think it's a waste of time? ]
Don't you like soba?
[ Isn't that why he learned how to make it? ]
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... Well. Allen would probably answer similar. He saw Link's baking ability as his most admirable quality as well. Chefs and bakers are artisans and truly heroes to the people. ]
I like all food equally. [ Answered so loftily in an offhanded way as he swirls the noodles about to roll them onto his chopsticks like some would spaghetti onto a fork, demure and elegant in his manner if didn't make him a total heathen. It's because it lets him take bigger bites this way. ]
Especially mitarashi dango. ✰
[ There was... logic there. Allen's kind of food-centric values system logic. ]
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No, you don't.
[ Don't lie to him, he's seen you eat enough times to know that's not true. They had to have a talk about his candy-eating habits in bed, remember? ]
You like sweets better.
[ He says it matter-of-factly as he picks up an appropriate amount of noodles with his chopsticks and dips them in the sauce. Unlike Allen, Shouto eats at a steady pace. His table manners are also a little more polished, an easy comparison to make when they're seated side by side. For anyone watching them, they'd probably notice that Shouto paid little attention to Allen's table manners, keeping his attention on his noodles most of the time unless spoken to which usually catches him off guard, a tell from eating alone for most of his life. ]
Why didn't you make that instead?
[ He asks, as he slurps up his noodles, a pleased look settling in as he chews on one side, giving him a mochi cheek as he picks up more noodles. They were better than the last batch he made, with more texture, and chewy. Still a little uneven but the taste was there. Smiling to himself, Shouto dips another set of noddles into the dipping sauce before slurping those up too. ]
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No way! Sweets are just convenient and easier to eat a lot of! [ He has to keep his blood sugar up, you know? Calorie demands!! Although technically, mitarashi dango are sweets, yes... don't poke holes in his logic.
He pops what is essentially a noodle lolipop into his mouth as opposed to Shouto's slurping and spends a moment chewing it, sporting some impressive chipmunk cheeks as he does so but also looking contemplative as he watches Shouto eat. Thoughtful, noting the way he smiles and seems content.
Thankfully, he swallows before answering. ]
I don't know how. [ He says it plainly and matter-of-fact. He knows what someone who's had to be self-sufficient in a Victorian era from a very early age would have to know to sustain themselves without much money and what Viktor has essentially tricked him into learning (like soba), but it's both basic and scattershot. And no one should teach him how to make dango or... that's all he'd ever make.
His heart catches a little on Shouto's expression though, subtle that it is, because that isn't really the reason. ]
Besides, I wanted to make this because you like soba best.
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[ So, yes, he agrees with you, except: ]
But you're not a bear.
[ Just gonna slurp up his noodles and listen to him talk. He preferred that. Listening. But sometimes, a few things caught his attention.
Mismatched eyes flick over to Allen. ]
But you know how to make soba.
[ Isn't that the same? Coming from someone who can't even cut chives properly. ]
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The observation that he is not a bear just gets an artfully quirked eyebrow from Allen. ]
I guess that's why I prefer bakeries to beehives. [ Said dryly. But he tips his head slightly at a curious angle at the comment about soba.
Did you really not know why he learned? Wasn't it obvious? ]
Only because Viktor taught me how.
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Me too. The bees are safe that way.
[ Said without an ounce of jest. ]
[ Do you really think he'd figure it out unless Allen told him? ]
Does he know how to make dango?
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... ...
A bear, apparently. You're lucky you distract him with mention of dango and Viktor, two of his favorite things, or he'd sulk. ]
Mm, he does! [ Eyes brightening, he clicks his chopsticks together and gestures animatedly with them. ] He learned it for the festival. They were really good.
[ Where, as Shouto may recall, Allen had more than a few platefuls. Nutrition knows him not; that's what Link would nag him about. ]
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He did say he wasn't a bear very clearly in fact. ]
Maybe he'll make it for Christmas.
[ It's common to make desserts during this time of year, so he assumes there's a fairly good chance he might.
And SLURP! He really does like soba. ]
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Lost in his thoughts, he doesn't answer right away and has to take a moment to shake it off and refocus back on the present. ]
Aah... [ His voice is softer even as he voices that in the affirmative, his gaze dropping to his plate as he smiles, but his eyes are a gentle kind of sad. Last bite left, but he just picks at it with his chopsticks. ]
That'd be nice.
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Is something wrong?
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No, not wrong. [ It's the truth, even if he is stirring his noodles around in circles more than he's eating them. How does he put it in a way that isn't worrisome... ]
More like... do some times of the year ever have you stop and think back to someone you might miss? [ He says it gently, looking back down at his plate again. ]
Or recall really important moments.
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He sets down his chopsticks. ]
Mother's Day.
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Hesitating for a moment, he sets his own chopsticks down and just shifts over slightly. So he can lean lightly against him and let their shoulders press together in a silent offer of support. ]
Mm. [ Mindful, as his gaze drops to where their knees are. ]
I think it's something like that.
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Something like that...
He can fathom of a guess, but he refrains. If Allen wanted to tell him, he would. Instead, he leans into him, adding his own weight into the mix and wraps an arm around him, settling at his waist. ]
Thank you for the food.
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So he smiles faintly when he feels his arm slip around him, the bittersweet memories once again fading at the touch, and turns to press a soft, lingering kiss to his ear.
Thank you for being here. ]
Thank you for the tea.
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Will you be okay?
[ During that time? ]
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Mm, I will. [ He says it automatically, but it's still true. He'll be nostalgic and some of those memories are deeply sad, but that's okay. He doesn't drown in them anymore. ]
Will you for "Mother's Day"?
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[ He took steps to rekindle his relationship with his mother. Saw her smile once more, and with it, the ache of that time in his life receded. Somehow, he doesn't think it's the same for Allen. Not with the way he looked just now. ]
If that changes.
[ He brings his hand to his lips, brushing a kiss on the polished carapace armor. ]
I'll be here.
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It takes him a moment to swallow past that lump and with it the slight sting of possible tears again, and another to push down the desire to reach for him again. Climb onto his lap and kiss him until he made those soft sighs again. Aaah, when did he get so needy?
He leans over to press his forehead lightly to Shouto's, letting their hair mesh together as the fingertips of his human hand skim lovingly along his jaw and thread into the red strands. The movement is delicate but a surge, threadbare and desperate but restrained, tension in his body like he's holding himself so precariously.
The last time he made this sort of promise-- ]
Me too. [ It's soft, but his voice cracks slightly. For however many years to come.
Whatever happens, I want to fight to keep this. ]
I'll be here too.
no subject
When he kisses him, it's a statement of intent. A selfish pursuit born out of a desire to be close to him. Touch him. Just as much as Allen. He was slow on the uptake, but once he knew what he wanted, it's become commonplace for them to end up like this. One kiss sparks another until they lose track of who started in the first place. ]
You are here.
[ He turns his head to the side, kissing the hand skimming down his jaw. ]
Right now, you are here.
[ And that's all he's ever wanted. ]
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cw: domestic abuse
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cw: domestic abuse
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