swellter | INBOX for deercountry

[ Shouto has taken to watching Allen more these days, and Tim is a part of that. A part of Allen. He may not play with him the way Allen's friends do, but he knows him. Not the one from his world, but the only one he's ever known: his omen.

The one grinning widely at him from his perch, cheeks flushed from... because he's really happy.

His head turns to the side, catching sight Allen from the corner of his eye. ]

So are you.

Soft. And warm.

[ He brings Tim closer, careful not to dislodge his stubby legs. This close, inches from his chest, he can see the delicate make-up of his wings. Somehow, they remind him of Allen's cloak. T

With Tim secured, Shouto steps closer to Allen keeping Tim between them like an object of worship, and leans his head down, pressing his temple to Allen's. Red mixing with white. ]

Are you happy?

Edited 2022-12-10 02:14 (UTC)

[ Oh--

Allen stares at that. At first not quite understanding Shouto's approach with Tim and being taken offguard by the comparison, and then when he draws close and asks that.

Is he... happy? Asking that now--

He blinks, and tears well before he can find words. Staring up in wide silver-eyed awe as he's a bit dumbfounded. Overwhelmed. It's really hard not to kiss you when you do things like that, you know? And the realization just-- he laughs at it, a little helplessly as the tears break away and fall like cracks in a mask. No, not at that realization, but...

This feeling in my chest... I love you so much, you know? But haha, sometimes it makes him such a wreck... ]

Really happy, somehow. [ Although did you have to say he's soft? Still laughing softly, he swipes at the tears for a moment before he abandons that attempt and reaches for Shouto instead. Sliding a hand up the back of his neck and threading it into his hair to keep their foreheads pressed together like that.

Tim stays so still, drawing close to Shouto's chest actually. Like the very definition of an omen or totem of sorts, and just pressing back against him as he peers up at Allen with a poignant, impassive face. Understanding. A warden between both their hearts. ]

When I think about where I want to be, if this is my life now and there can be a "next year" me to become... [ He smiles, tipping his face back and nuzzling gently at him. Letting his lips slowly ghost over and trace outline of Shouto's in a not-quite-kiss as he continues to speak. ] Thinking about being able to be here with you for it...

[ Ah... they're flowing freely, his tears. He's never been one to regret his honest feelings though, and just lets his eyes close as he leans up to press his forehead back to Shouto's in silent, palpable yearning. I want--

No, I feel that... ]

...it makes me so happy I feel like I might cry.

Edited 2022-12-10 03:27 (UTC)

[ His stomach drops. This close, he's witness to the first tears welling up at the corner of his eyes. Alarmed, he breask the delicate connection to better look at him. Read him.

What's wrong? Instead of drawing back, he comes forward. They huddle against each other with Tim in the middle up until Allen cuts through the tension with a--

You're laughing?

Shouto outright stares, seeing him in new light as he speaks. The words don't all make sense to him, but the feeling is there, clear as a moonlit night.

You...

He sets Tim down on top of Allen's head, but not without first running a finger down the length of his tail one last time, no longer hesitant. Something's clicked inside him, switched over, and Shouto follows the feeling with single-minded purpose.

He threads his fingers through his hair, admiring the length that told the story of their time together. From their first meeting to this moment. A year held neatly in a strand of hair.

Strands.

His fingers get lost in them before they come down to cup his face in his hands as he locks eyes with Allen. A thumb runs across his cheek in a slow back-and-forth pattern disrupting the streak of tears but not wiping them away. There's no need to. He accepts them as he does everything about Allen. Instead, he focuses on that feeling. Lets it carry him forward to press a kiss beneath his lid where the first stroke of that delicate red line starts. He lingers there for just a second before pulling back to deliver a second kiss on the other side. ]

You are beautiful.

[ He smiles faintly. A quiet abode for his feelings for him. ]

Edited 2022-12-10 05:02 (UTC)

[ Beautiful? He's a mess and he knows it, but he laughs helplessly in a quiet sort of joy to hear that. It spills out; nothing he could stop even if he tried. Truly, truly so joyful and feeling so rarely carefree.

(When was the last time he ever laughed quite like this or as often as he's caught himself of late? He's changed. His heart's felt lighter.)

Shouto doesn't quite get to set Tim on his head. As soon as he strokes his tail a final time and lifts to place him, Timcanpy takes flight and immediately becomes smoke. Slipping back inside of Allen as easily as a diver slipping beneath the water in a rare moment of returning to him, like he's riding in on the slight thrill of the contact that sets something to life in Allen.

His hands come up to settle at Shouto's waist, finding a favorite spot to rest them just over the slight rise of his hips as he's kissed so sweetly. Leaning into it and turning his head slightly at an angle to let him do so more easily, he'd almost cry again at how beautiful the gesture is. He doesn't though, the tears slowly coming to a stop as his fingers curl lightly into the fabric of Shouto's shirt and holding onto him like a tether.

You're such a good person... I don't know what to do sometimes when you make my heart feel so full. ]

What about you? [ Allen drags his attention back though, to such an important other part of that, pale grey eyes bright from laughing and shining from the lingering tears still. Speaking softly as his right thump rubs an invisible, thoughtful pattern at his side. He thinks he knows, but... ]

Are you happy? Shouto.

Edited 2022-12-10 05:55 (UTC)

[ The sound of Allen's unfettered laughter feels like home to Shouto. Not the one back in his world, but the one he carved out from a city of blood. When he first washed up, out of the water, over a year ago, he wouldn't have fathomed his life would take this turn. He knew how to survive. Be of use. Follow his goals. But he barley knew how to be a friend let alone this. What he had with Allen.

After a year, it almost feels like he's grown up so much. But was he happy? He thinks of his mother. His sister. His brother. Could he be happy without them in his life again? ]

I'm content.

[ He answers honestly, brushing his lips against Allen's temple, then drops down to his nose. His lips. He lingers there, smiling into the kiss that feels more like a necessity with every iteration. ]

With you.

Edited 2022-12-10 06:48 (UTC)

[ It wasn't something as simple as that, Allen knew that much without even needing to fully understand the situation. He had family, real family other than his brother here who was a complicated affair in his own right, that were important and defining and he was used to being there even if it wasn't the joyous thing Allen considered family to be and had put on a pedestal his whole life. Let alone then how punishing and dim the whole of the Waking World can be, how jarring it can be to a lot of people.

But then, doesn't that make what happiness you can find all the more special?

He smiles into the kiss too, content himself at that answer and warmed, and brings his hands up to cup Shouto's face lightly. Setting his mouth more firmly to his, he asks permission with a soft brush of his tongue along his lip before he deepens the the kiss, doing so so very slowly and sweetly as a response. Leaning his whole body into it and letting time disconnect for a moment.

Haha... are they so bad they can't even go this long without reaching for each other? Really. It's gotten worse, each touch or kiss just making him want more. He'd judge himself so hard if it weren't for the fact he doesn't judge things born from his gentler feelings. Doesn't judge anything that feels so loving and accepting. Natural.

There is a stray thought that circles around in his head though, that makes him have to pause. Reluctant to pull away though. ]

The tea...? [ Unlike soba, it'll get cold. ]

[ Family would always be a complication in his life. One he wouldn't turn his back on again. He spent so many years accepting the way things were, growing angry with every passing year, he couldn't ever go back to that kind of existence. Maybe that's why he prioritizes his feelings when it comes to his relationships. Why he doesn't mind the tangents they take when it means he can be with Allen like this. It's too easy to get caught up in his momentum, letting it sweep him up and run with it.

Maybe they are as bad as those couples on TV, unable to keep their hands off each other, but is that so bad? He's never cared what others think. His priorities extend to the two of them. His feelings, and in this case, Allen's. So, when he pulls away, instead of pulling him back down, Shouto makes an effort to figure out what's wrong. ]

Tea?

[ He repeats looking half-dazed. If you think he remembers about the tea, you have more faith in him than he deserves. As it stands, he's grasping at straws. ]

Are you thirsty?

Edited 2022-12-10 21:43 (UTC)

[ ...you forgot? Really?

Allen blinks for a moment a touch comically, hesitant to assume he really did just space out like that, before he chuckles good naturedly. Reaches out to stroke the left side of Shouto's cheek lightly; fondly. ]

No. [ He smiles though, perfectly content and in no hurry. Is tea something you really drink because you're thirsty anyway? It's something he associates more with it being warm and calming. ]

But you're the one who made it.

[ He looks down, catching sight of the setup laid out at his feet. The teapot resting on top of the tea caddy. The wooden whisk set to the side. His own cup, cooling in the middle of it. ]

Oh...

[ It's long since gone cold. He knows that without needing to taste it. Tepid. Not the good cold that is iced matcha. He looks up, remembering the number of sweaters he'd seen people wearing on his way home from the pastry shop. The sun had come down since then, so it must be colder now. ]

I'll warm it up.

[ A cold drink in winter wasn't something most people chose to drink, so he reaches for Allen's cup and gently warms it back up, careful not to boil it. ]

[ Allen was far from complaining about it, but the thoughtfulness makes him smile and he accepts the warmed drink with a murmur of thanks and cups it with both hands. At least he'd gotten the sweetness to where he wanted it before, he notes as he sips it lightly and finds the warmth as comforting as the taste. Definitely made the right call in stealing one of Shouto's sweaters after he had to clean up.

He tugs a little at Shouto a moment later, encouraging him to sit by him as he makes a point of nudging the plate of handmade noodles towards him. ]

We should eat before you make me think I wasted my time learning how to make soba. [ INSULT TO INJURY, his greatest annoyance's favorite dish.

But it's lightly teasing as Allen waves a chopstick at him Very Seriously. ]

[ A fact he will never understand. It fits him too big. Wouldn't Allen want something his size? If he had any inkling to talk about clothes other than their practical use, he might bring it up. Considering he doesn't, it's only a passing thought.

The tug in his direction is enough to have him shift over until their knees press against each other. As for the food. He looks at him almost crestfallen at the comment. ~~As much as someone who barely emotes can look.~~ ]

Why would it be a waste of time?

[ It's his most admirable skillset just under his ability to cleanse corruption. Why would he think it's a waste of time? ]

Don't you like soba?

[ Isn't that why he learned how to make it? ]

[ Did you actually just compare his ability to muddle through making a very simple noodle dish with his ability to fight without harming the living and saving souls? Shouto...

... Well. Allen would probably answer similar. He saw Link's baking ability as his most admirable quality as well. Chefs and bakers are artisans and truly heroes to the people. ]

I like all food equally. [ Answered so loftily in an offhanded way as he swirls the noodles about to roll them onto his chopsticks like some would spaghetti onto a fork, demure and elegant in his manner if didn't make him a total heathen. It's because it lets him take bigger bites this way. ]

Especially mitarashi dango. ✰

[ There was... logic there. Allen's kind of food-centric values system logic. ]

Edited 2022-12-10 23:34 (UTC)

[ Yes, and his ability to save souls without harming them wins out! But, it's a fair comparison! How many people do you think know how to make soba?! FEW. SO VERY FEW. Him included! ]

No, you don't.

[ Don't lie to him, he's seen you eat enough times to know that's not true. They had to have a talk about his candy-eating habits in bed, remember? ]

You like sweets better.

[ He says it matter-of-factly as he picks up an appropriate amount of noodles with his chopsticks and dips them in the sauce. Unlike Allen, Shouto eats at a steady pace. His table manners are also a little more polished, an easy comparison to make when they're seated side by side. For anyone watching them, they'd probably notice that Shouto paid little attention to Allen's table manners, keeping his attention on his noodles most of the time unless spoken to which usually catches him off guard, a tell from eating alone for most of his life. ]

Why didn't you make that instead?

[ He asks, as he slurps up his noodles, a pleased look settling in as he chews on one side, giving him a mochi cheek as he picks up more noodles. They were better than the last batch he made, with more texture, and chewy. Still a little uneven but the taste was there. Smiling to himself, Shouto dips another set of noddles into the dipping sauce before slurping those up too. ]

[ Gasp, he looks so shocked at such a brazen accusation. Et tu! ]

No way! Sweets are just convenient and easier to eat a lot of! [ He has to keep his blood sugar up, you know? Calorie demands!! Although technically, mitarashi dango are sweets, yes... don't poke holes in his logic.

He pops what is essentially a noodle lolipop into his mouth as opposed to Shouto's slurping and spends a moment chewing it, sporting some impressive chipmunk cheeks as he does so but also looking contemplative as he watches Shouto eat. Thoughtful, noting the way he smiles and seems content.

Thankfully, he swallows before answering. ]

I don't know how. [ He says it plainly and matter-of-fact. He knows what someone who's had to be self-sufficient in a Victorian era from a very early age would have to know to sustain themselves without much money and what Viktor has essentially tricked him into learning (like soba), but it's both basic and scattershot. And no one should teach him how to make dango or... that's all he'd ever make.

His heart catches a little on Shouto's expression though, subtle that it is, because that isn't really the reason. ]

Besides, I wanted to make this because you like soba best.

That's why bears raid beehives. For the caloric intake of honey and the protein from the bees and larvae inside.

[ So, yes, he agrees with you, except: ]

But you're not a bear.

[ Just gonna slurp up his noodles and listen to him talk. He preferred that. Listening. But sometimes, a few things caught his attention.

Mismatched eyes flick over to Allen. ]

But you know how to make soba.

[ Isn't that the same? Coming from someone who can't even cut chives properly. ]

[ Bears and honey... what? Allen blinks at him slightly for that, trying to follow as he chews somewhat absently on another mouthful but... no, you lost him. He's gotten used to trying to follow the bizarre directions Shouto can go sometimes with a conclusion with dutiful patience and understanding, but that one...

The observation that he is not a bear just gets an artfully quirked eyebrow from Allen. ]

I guess that's why I prefer bakeries to beehives. [ Said dryly. But he tips his head slightly at a curious angle at the comment about soba.

Did you really not know why he learned? Wasn't it obvious? ]

Only because Viktor taught me how.

Edited 2022-12-11 01:06 (UTC)

[ Shouto notices no difference in his tone and keeps on chewing until his mochi cheeks disappear and he picks up more noodles. You know, he'll never get tired of soba. So it's surprising that he doesn't try to eat it for every meal, only most of them. He does know something about nutrition and takes it seriously. ]

Me too. The bees are safe that way.

[ Said without an ounce of jest. ]

[ Do you really think he'd figure it out unless Allen told him? ]

Does he know how to make dango?

Edited 2022-12-11 01:14 (UTC)

[ THE BEES ARE SAFE??? choking, just a bit. What kind of animal do you take him for!

... ...

A bear, apparently. You're lucky you distract him with mention of dango and Viktor, two of his favorite things, or he'd sulk. ]

Mm, he does! [ Eyes brightening, he clicks his chopsticks together and gestures animatedly with them. ] He learned it for the festival. They were really good.

[ Where, as Shouto may recall, Allen had more than a few platefuls. Nutrition knows him not; that's what Link would nag him about. ]

[ Don't forget he's seen you eat when there's a feast. He doesn't think a poor bee sting would be more than an inconvenience.

He did say he wasn't a bear very clearly in fact. ]

Maybe he'll make it for Christmas.

[ It's common to make desserts during this time of year, so he assumes there's a fairly good chance he might.

And SLURP! He really does like soba. ]

[ Normally pointing out he might have fresh-made dango in his future would make Allen brighten visibly, and for a moment it does—before the when of it hits him and he falters slightly. Ah, that's right... next month is Christmas, isn't it? He knew what time of year it was, and yet...

Lost in his thoughts, he doesn't answer right away and has to take a moment to shake it off and refocus back on the present. ]

Aah... [ His voice is softer even as he voices that in the affirmative, his gaze dropping to his plate as he smiles, but his eyes are a gentle kind of sad. Last bite left, but he just picks at it with his chopsticks. ]

That'd be nice.

[ As he dips more noddles in his sauce, grey and teal flicker over to Allen. He might not be able to read people that well but he knew Allen well enough now to notice a difference in his demeanor. ]

Is something wrong?

Eh? [ Ah, no— he shakes his head lightly at that as soon as he glances up. ]

No, not wrong. [ It's the truth, even if he is stirring his noodles around in circles more than he's eating them. How does he put it in a way that isn't worrisome... ]

More like... do some times of the year ever have you stop and think back to someone you might miss? [ He says it gently, looking back down at his plate again. ]

Or recall really important moments.

Edited 2022-12-11 01:59 (UTC)

[ Despite the odd question, he takes a moment to consider it. Growing up, he remembers missing his mother, but he always knew where to find her: the psychiatric ward of the hospital.

He sets down his chopsticks. ]

Mother's Day.

[ Oh... while Allen's never heard of Mother's Day before, suddenly that makes a lot of sense even without knowing the full story about Shouto's mother. He can understand enough from what the context of that holiday has to be and what he's seen and heard about her. And that it's a landmine full of deep, complicated feelings he didn't mean to tread so near.

Hesitating for a moment, he sets his own chopsticks down and just shifts over slightly. So he can lean lightly against him and let their shoulders press together in a silent offer of support. ]

Mm. [ Mindful, as his gaze drops to where their knees are. ]

I think it's something like that.

[ There's no need for words. The weight of him at his shoulder is enough to settle the melancholy of those unhappy days.

Something like that...

He can fathom of a guess, but he refrains. If Allen wanted to tell him, he would. Instead, he leans into him, adding his own weight into the mix and wraps an arm around him, settling at his waist. ]

Thank you for the food.

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