[ He isn't stealing them, it's borrowing!! He puts them back after, there's nothing that needs to be replaced!!! But, well... if Allen notices there seem to be more sweaters than there were before he might start 'borrowing' them more, provided Shouto doesn't say anything. Besides, it's getting cold!! And this house isn't exactly built with any heating other than Shouto himself...
Also, they smell like him and that's comforting. But good luck getting Allen to admit that to anyone other than Timcanpy.
His expression flickers uncertainly for a moment at the request for clarification though, lips twitching in a small pout. Really? He's terrible at voicing what he wants when it comes to things like this because it's hard enough to admit them to himself. It's like pulling teeth!!
He considers it strongly for a moment though, pale eyes flickering seriously between Shouto's for a moment—before he thumbs the clasp open with shockingly deft ease. Following it up immediately by leaning forward to quickly kiss the apex of his throat between the loosened collar where it had been.
He could nip at his throat, but he doesn't. Yet. ]
[ Borrowing, then. Either it's more tips for the laundress or more sweaters to get them by, and with Allen penny-pinching, every aspect of their lives, Shouto prefers to buy them when he's not around. At least then, he can choose the fabric that feels nicer without someone looking at the price tags. Let's just say his trips with Allen to the market are a lot longer than his solo trips. He might be blunt, but he's not the type of person to question someone for their clothes, so he won't mention it, but Allen will start finding new sweaters in his dresser as they get closer to winter.
He built the house with no one but himself in mind. If Allen seems cold, he'll find him a very nice lunar heater. For now, he'll just have to do with him. He doesn't mind. Not even when you go and do something like that.
The quick snap of the clasp giving under his thumb is loud in the room, louder still, the sharp inhale of someone discovering something new about themselves. Heat stirs at the pit of his stomach, leaving him breathless and a little sensitive, enough to have him bring a hand up to cover up the spot he kissed. ]
[ It's for Shouto's own health that he penny-pinches and frets, you know. Given the sheer volume of blood he's willing to part with over even something like a cat toy. Totally that and not Allen's own crippling debt complex. Totally... It's nothing he would actually say anything about when he noticed, but he might side-eye a little before fussing quietly over something seemingly unrelated to make sure he isn't anemic or feeling tired. His own sweaters though...? He'll be enchanted. And floored. And fret that he made him feel like he had to?? That isn't what he meant??? Before being starry-eyed wins out so he'll just thank him by seeing how long he can kiss him until they're both too breathless to remember why he started in the first place.
And... technically Allen could easily bring in a heater from Sanctuary. Technically if Viktor caught even a whiff of it they'd probably be inundated with heat-producing gadgets. Has he? No. So far he's actually been quite content with making do by borrowing sweaters and using the excuse to press close to Shouto.
That reaction evokes one of quiet fascination from Allen though, staring a little before his gaze slips aside shyly when Shouto touches his throat where he kissed him. Ah. Even just a quick kiss then—
His legs shift a little restlessly for a moment, uncertain. He peeks back at him, expression soft but serious. ]
[ His health is fine. If he feels a little dizzy after a bleeding session, he sits with the koi, drinking tea until it goes away. By now, he's given so much blood away, his body is used to operating at low levels. He also knows how to compensate and takes iron pills to replenish himself, along with eating more fruits high in vitamin C.
He can fret all he wants, he'll be getting a new one on a biweekly basis. Considering these aren't the normal grandpa ones, Allen can assume he had a little help choosing them. They're definitely more stylish than his own. He'll find the cozy ones first before he starts finding the ones nice enough to wear to a party.
Technically, Shouto could buy him a heater instead of sweaters. If he did, he wouldn't need to use him as a heater anymore.
He's a little stunned by his own reaction, Shouto completely misses Allen's shy look. His quirk has stopped being a factor for a while now, so to have the heat react that way... he's not sure what happened. As for the question, that leaves him just as speechless. Did he... want that?
His mouth goes dry, and his throat works overtime to swallow down the very real jitters that question evokes from him. ]
I... wouldn't mind.
[ And to emphasize his point, he slowly drops his hand. ]
[ That doesn't make him feel any better. Good luck, Shouto, the debt complex has a tight hold on him. You combine that with his natural concern for people's wellbeing and he just doesn't get it and frets. And for once in his life willingly takes on the roll of buying what he can for them then so at least his poor heart knows the best deal was had. (Food. It's mostly food.)
Biweekly?! He's going to confront him at some point, somewhat torn as he's incredibly grateful and touched beyond words just at the thought more than anything else, let alone that they're so nice and he's had a max of like four outfits at any point in his life, but... he knows he doesn't... have to, right? That Allen wasn't trying to drop any sorts of hints by borrowing his so much? After making sure that isn't the case he'll be okay with accepting them, but will still get rather emotional every time. It's just how he is. And don't you dare go buy a heater because you think it would get the job done better than clinging to Shouto at night. Not unless you want him to sulk and be unpredictably moody for the next week.
Allen didn't miss that either, the comment that it felt warm but Shouto himself didn't seem to spike in temperature. He hasn't for a while, not like he used to, and Allen's welcomed the apparent stability he seems to feel more now and how he doesn't have to be as careful to do something that might catch him offguard and cause it to swing dangerously. Being able to kiss and just be with each other more freely—even if that means that Allen is the one now who sometimes hits an invisible wall inside himself and becomes incredibly skittish while fumbling for some poor excuse for needing a moment to breath. But also...
...when had Shouto ever described something feeling warm? Except when speaking once of his mother.
His expression becomes gentler at the almost nervous-seeming response, and without saying anything he leans forward on his palms to kiss the tip of Shouto's nose in quiet reassurance and silent pact. So very chaste and innocently, the same way a small child might. ]
Okay. [ He tips his head slightly to kiss his cheek next, following the frame of his face down. Still chaste, still sweet as he lets his hands settle at the back of his utility belt to pull them into a warm, loose embrace like he had pulled Allen close before.
Truth be told, he has some nerves now too when it's just out there and not something he did on the sly. Honestly he doesn't even know what he was thinking, offering that. It just seems so brazen now to just... do. But something clicks as he distracts himself by kissing along his jaw and paying attention to the spot just under his ear, and he stills a little at the poignant truth of it.
I wanted to cherish you, didn't I? ]
...tilt your head a little? [ He murmurs it more softly against his skin, nuzzling at his jaw faintly, as he brings a hand to let his fingertips graze across his throat. ]
[ He'll leave him vials of his blood for household needs. Allen can stretch it as he pleases, but if he sees him using his blood to buy things, he's just going to stock up on things on his own.
He can confront him as many times as he wants. Two sweaters a month isn't a lot, and you're not going to convince him otherwise. As for those hints he's talking about, Shouto is just going to stare at him like he's grown a second head. Feeling overwhelmed by feelings too big for him is something Shouto is no stranger to. So, feel free to express yourself. He may or may not notice his dilemma. Look, he's not the greatest at deducing the source of big feelings. As for the heater, well, he will ask him at one point if he wants one. He knows people get cold in the winter, and he doesn't want him to suffer when he's not there.
That kiss. It touches a piece of him that's been buried in ice for years. It tempers the heat and his view narrows to soft grey eyes. He keeps him in his line of sight as long as he can before Allen disappears in favor of peppering him with sweet kisses that leave him breathless and hyperaware of his every move.
But that tug at his belt breaks the stalemate. The ice recedes and the heat starts to rise with every kiss. When that question is laid at his feet, it starts to overflow and he grows warm under his care. Still, he remains in control. Hyperfocused on his every move, Shouto tilts his head slightly to the right, leaving him exposed in a way he'd never allow for anyone else. ]
[ Is there... something wrong with him using his own blood? He's not a freeloader you know!! The idea of being one is abhorrent to him!! And getting a a heater at some later point is fine, when it gets colder... Just let him enjoy his excuse while he can.
He gives a small hum in the affirmative when Shouto tips his head and presses his lips sweetly to the exposed side of his neck, lingering at feeling the steady pulse there. The warmth radiating gently from him, and his expression flickers lightly with the reminder to go slow. Fond. ]
Mm. [ Allen slips two fingers slightly under his collar to push it back so he has more room, and repeats the kiss a little lower. His other arm staying looped down by Shouto's waist to keep him close in embrace, almost like they were dancing.
But he mouths gently at his neck with a soft, lovingly drag of teeth this time as he sucks lightly at the skin. Not quite hard enough to leave a mark. Something he'll keep repeating in soft, mouthing kisses if he can that cascade down towards his collar as he gains confidence. ]
[ He obviously doesn't have enough blood to buy sweaters, so yes. Once you can take care of your needs, you can contribute to household needs. He can also tell him that's what he prefers. Otherwise, he'll worry Allen will be cold when he's not around.
His fingers bunch the material near his tailbone. The bold curiosity from before quietly melts under the pressure of soft lips that sensitize his skin on their way down to his collar. The sensation of teeth has him holding his breath leaving him staring wide-eyed at his shoulder before his hand abruptly clutches at his back. The light suction at his neck has him opening his mouth to say something but only a soft gasp escapes him.
He starts to shift in his embrace, restless. Hot. Heavy breathes. Warm skin. Fingers clutching at his back. Seconds pass by before he manages to form a coherent sentence. ]
[ Oh... Shouto. One day you'll learn Allen is just a tightwad who only splurges on food. And that he also just likes and will continue to wear his sweaters sometimes even if he has his own.
He blinks a little hazily, lips grazing where his neck meets his shoulder as he stills lightly at Shouto's response. At all of his responses, but especially the understated way his voice sounds so affected. Like that night before, when that book had trapped them in Allen's world—when he had gasped when he had paid similar attention to his neck then but Allen had become gunshy of his own reaction and backed off. Like then it leaves his own stomach feeling knotted up, and his knees tighten slightly at his hips in response to the fingers digging into his sweater.
He exhales softly, a little shakily, and takes a moment to push down something he almost said. To figure out what he wants to actually say instead. He's better than someone who lets their hormones get the better of them. It's a point of very stubborn pride. ✰ Or so he tells himself.
But I just want to make you happy, and feeling good or nice is part of that. ]
...do you want me to keep going? [ He asks it so softly, so innocuously and genuine, even as he nips softly at his throat again. Where he had surprised him with a kiss before, and that he immediately amends by sucking lightly at the spot. ]
Or did you want to go eat...?
[ You know, before it gets cold. Except that it's a cold dish...? ]
[ The slow regard of grey eyes fails to register to a dazed mind familiarizing itself with the hushed refuge of soft lips across his throat. The dark marks he once left behind in another world have faded with time presenting him with a blank canvas and a pronounced reaction from an unlikely source. The burning in his chest has yet to subside. The temperature continues to climb, leaving him restless, tense, and unchained.
No good.
He forces himself to stillness locking eyes with Allen while displaying a calm demeanor bustling with unspent energy derived from an impassioned source. He regards him with an intensity palpable in the way his grip tightens on his back but goes no further. He mutes himself, reaching for the cold to calm the turbulence pulsing in his chest. Yet, the fire continues to burn behind those heterochromic eyes, hidden under a veneer of control that leaves him looking mild-mannered beneath the firestorm.
It's enough to help him focus on a question posed so innocently, yet feels more like a temptation under the guise of a balm. He hardly knows if he's meant to take it or not which leaves him shy of answering. ]
[ Oh. He wasn't expecting the question to be posed back to him, and Allen hesitates lightly as he pulls back to look at him with gentle surprise and clear grey eyes. He's far worse when it comes to acknowledging his own wants, worse still when he shied away from exactly this in the past, but gets sidetracked by Shouto's expression. Muted and mild, nothing like the quietly unraveling gasps and affected tone from moments before—but you're looking at him with such a quiet sort of intensity...
You're holding yourself back, aren't you. He can feel it in how tightly he's still gripping at his back in complete disconnect to what's on his face. Is it because he's afraid of losing control of his quirk again? Except, no... he hasn't for so long, it's probably not that. Or not just that. And wondering for what other reason that could be has his mouth run a little dry, and he shifts a touch restlessly himself as the jitters sink in.
Dinner is already waiting, one he actually worked pretty hard on (on cleaning up after more than the making) but does he want to go eat? He...
He's never been less inclined. ]
...I don't mind letting it wait. [ He says it so very softly, eyes hooding quietly and soberly at the realization. ] It's okay if it's cold.
[ He leans in then, bringing up both hands to lightly cup Shouto's face as he very quietly grazes a kiss against his cheekbone. Perfectly chaste and sweet; a reminder it's okay to breathe. ]
Would you kiss me too? [ That's what he wants. And—
...You look like you want to more than you want him to. ]
[ Heat spikes in a wave of awareness that melts the cold in a single strike. His jaw tightens by a fraction, teeth biting down in a failed attempt at calm. Grey and teal lock on Allen with intent, no longer hesitant with his answer. ]
Yes.
[ A single word to encompass a surge of heat kept at bay by a steady grip on a quirk quick to swing from one extreme to another. A reflection of his state by all accounts except the one that matters. He was made not to contain but to blend two opposing forces. A perfect vessel for the extreme.
Volatile. Calm. Steady. Capricious. ]
I'd like that.
[ Allen was right. It no longer overwhelms him being like this with him. Even as the intensity of his feelings grew, breaking new ground, he no longer found himself at odds with his quirk. By accepting his wants and desires, control was a natural side effect. It's not pitch-perfect, but better than it was before. This time, there's no risk to Allen or their surroundings.
Shouto reaches for Allen, hauling him forward to close off the distance between them, and settles his hands on either side of his waist in a steady grip. ]
[ His breath comes out in a small puff when he's pulled forward and up against him, surprised but also not, and he meets it by wrapping his arms around his neck and curving back to keep them pressed together but still eye to eye. There's a small flush to his cheeks, but it's mild and he reigns it in. Blinks instead at the question.
What kind? He tips his head to the side with a slightly puzzled look at such a direct sort of ask. No, he knows there are many different kinds of kisses; it's been half of the unspoken dance they've had for months. But asking what sort he wants?
Allen hesitates for a moment, trying to pick apart why that bothers him. The idea of picking and choosing kisses. And his expression gentles as he does, eyes hooding softly in understanding. ]
...the kind you feel in your heart.
[ He pauses, shifting lightly as he realizes he probably should explain that better. And he stalls for a moment by tipping his chin up to kiss the the tip of Shouto's nose as easily and delicately as a fairy in what he doesn't even realize is a perfect demonstration of what he means. Nuzzles very faintly at him like that before pulling back just enough to look at him, and continues speaking in a soft, low tone that's the only kind that feels right when they're this close together. ]
I think... a kiss can be another way of trying to say something. Something that sometimes doesn't fit into words very well, and can feel too big to hold onto. Something you want to share that isn't easy to figure out how to share otherwise.
[ How do you think he hasn't made many terrible missteps himself when he's normally a bit of a disaster? That he seems like he knows what he's doing more when it comes to things like this when honestly he doesn't? It's because he knows his heart and what's in it and views physical affection as something that should be an expression of it. Puts it on a pedestal and judges people who don't very harshly. They're an extension of him and how he feels.
Instinct, he called it before, but he hadn't been entirely right. It's a lot more than that. ]
So... it should be that. [ It should always be that, and Allen presses another small kiss to the corer of his mouth as if to demonstrate. Something that's gentle but with an underlying sort of neediness. ] The kind that you feel says what's inside you.
[ His gaze stays with him throughout the exchange. Patient while Allen settles his arms around his neck. He watches him with the focus of hero dismantling an unknown quirk in an unexpected encounter, silent in his assertion. Cautious of his next move.
...the kind you feel in your heart.
Split perfectly in half; his heart acts as the engine of his quirk. Blending cold and hot, then pumping it to the rest of his body, turning chaos into order. A dichotomy that extends beyond his quirk reflected in his personality. Quiet, yet bold. Patient and capricious. Each side of him in direct opposition to the other. His world was always a balancing act built on a disciplined, fragile heart. One, he learned to protect with ice walls and a cold demeanor. It kept people at bay until he willingly opened himself up and allowed the ice to melt, exposing him to new worlds and new ideas while leaving him less sure of himself.
What do I feel?
Such a simple question that's taken him the better part of the last year to explore. Pushing past his own preconceptions to uncover hidden depths about himself. He has yet to settle on how to move forward when it comes to his family, but he's made great strides with his friends. He knows what he feels for them. For Allen.
His eyes drop down to his mouth, and the question changes from what he feels to what he wants. He's always been better at defining a goal and going after it. What do I want? His face lowers, and his lips brush against his, ghosting over his mouth, exploring. Guided by feelings he's yet to define, he follows their lead, pressing down in a gentle kiss filled with promise. His eyes soften, and he takes a breath before delving deeper. He licks his lips, tempering the building heat with slow movements.
I want you.
He sucks on his lower lip. His mouth is hot. Hotter than expected, though maybe not for someone who can catch on fire. There's no trace of coldness in the kiss or in the way his fingers grip his hips with enough strength to hold him in place without leaving a bruise.
[ Truth be told, he wasn't sure what he'd get with telling Shouto that. After all, sometimes saying he could kiss him meant getting bitten a bit harder than is pleasant on the neck. Vampire. But even if it was something like that...
Even something like that would be okay, as long as it was what he genuinely felt and wanted to do. I want to know what that is. Even if it might make Allen squawk and... have to gently advise him on... what might be a better approach. But he wouldn't regret it because it would have been Shouto's honest feelings. And there's been very little that was ever honest or what it seemed to be in Allen's life, maybe even most of all Allen himself. So, to him... it's important that this is. That they are. That it's different with Shouto. Better.
Even if that makes him question if maybe that means he's been wrong about a lot.
But his eyes flutter in light surprise at being kissed so gently at first. So sweetly but with a growing heat, and any apprehension he might have had melts away as his expression softens and he hums his appreciation as he meets him halfway in the kiss. Oh...
You really have gotten a lot better at that.
Fingers of one hand sift through the short hairs at the nape of his neck, mussing the red with the white, while the other dig lightly into the fabric at his shoulder. Encouraging, although he jolts lightly when Shouto catches his lip. An audible breath caught in his throat as his legs come up and squeeze his hips tight. Something that snapshots reality suddenly in a way even Allen can't ignore, the warmth and solidity of being pressed close to another like this, but...
But he also doesn't care, and pulls Shouto closer a second later by the front of his uniform so he can kiss him more deeply in a flare of passion he gets lost in exploring. Lets himself explore, when normally he's reigned in and a little nervous about that sort of thing most of the time -- even if day by day becoming less so. I know what I wanted was to talk to you tonight about things, really important things, and I still want to, but...
[ They've both gotten better with practice. Quiet nights lead to sweet kisses that sometimes develop into more, and Shouto no longer cares about the book he's reading or that he's supposed to be helping Allen make dinner. Sometimes, he completely forgets why he came to sit on the engawa in the first place - to feed the koi - when Allen kisses him. The kisses they share in the privacy of their home have grown exponentially. Chaste at first, like when Allen nuzzles him on the nose, which he enjoys immensely. He enjoys almost anything they do, except shopping. He could do without that.
It's odd how someone can fill his world so completely without trying. By all accounts, he should be worried about his friends clashing with his brother, yet his thoughts aren't consumed by the brewing tension between them. Instead, they linger on Allen more often than not. Not on anything in particular. It's how he ends up coming home with pastries out of the blue or why Allen has caught him staring at him more frequently as time goes on. He doesn't apologize and goes back to what he was doing, able to compartmentalize what he feels with what he needs to do.
But when they're like this. Delving into unexplored territory together, his entire focus is on Allen. The sounds he makes, the tell-tell signs he's slowly catching on to. The way his fingers burrow into his hair, messing it up. Or the way his legs wrap themselves around him, abruptly tightening here and there. He likes that. He likes a lot of things about Allen when they're like this, but mostly, he likes kissing him.
Holding Allen is easy. More than that, it's electrifying. He licks his lips tasting the scent of a cold dewy morning, enjoying the way Allen pulls at his hair, and sighs in satisfaction when his legs squeeze at his hips in a way he's come to appreciate. No longer holding back, he moves his hands down his thighs and up again in a back-and-forth pattern, teasing in its execution, as he kisses him senseless. In payment, of course. ]
[ It's because he's also gradually shifted things around in his life to have that sort of time together. Not just cohabitation of sleeping in the same place and trying to get meals to line up, but to actually spend time together even if it's just the simplicity of existing together. Not that he would shirk any of his duties to do so, but whereas before he was going out of his way to fill his life with things to keep him busy, something he was all too easily drowning himself in with everything the Sanctuary had become, now...
It's realizing he has the freedom to... have some freedom, you know? That it isn't an unthinkable or unreasonably selfish thing. That the world won't end. His debts won't spiral out of control. People won't die. As an exorcist he'd never had that kind of luxury before—ever. And it isn't even for the personal enjoyment and contented feeling that comes from sitting side by side and making a meal together, or the sweet kind of balm to an ever-present ache in his chest that comes from kissing him. It was from wanting to see those rare small smiles he can sometimes get and realizing he could cause them. From recalling the sheer joy radiating from such a quiet, muted person when he had come back from the dead, and when he snapped back to himself after the nightmare that forced the specter of Nea back.
The realization that I can make you happy, even if only in small ways, and that it made him so unspeakably happy too. Without having to compromise himself. He started slowly re-arranging his life because of that. A blazingly strong desire to nurture and protect that special sort of shared joy. Maybe subconsciously, but no less steadily.
It's... nice. So nice it makes his heart swell with a painfully sweet sort of joy, and if Shouto ever catches him looking somewhat overcome for no discernable reason he'll quickly try to make some excuse and quietly laugh it off as nothing.
If pushed, he'd just say he was happy. ]
Nn-- [ It's the strong hands rubbing at his thighs in such a meandering and distracting manner that catch him off-guard and jangle his nerves, quickly winding them up like a ratchet. That pull a soft and breathy sound from Allen that gets swallowed up by forceful kisses that have him bent back slightly and makes his hands snag at and dig into the material of Shouto's uniform.
Allen... found kissing a calming thing initially, you know? Something that touched a very deep sort of ache and soothed it even as it might also stir his blood. He told Shouto as much even. And they still do; still soothe that lonely ache. But like this, like more often lately when they start to get carried away-- ]
Shouto... [ It's a little dazed, feeling exposed and having to break away to suck in a breath and whisper it by his ear in a threadbare sort of way. His legs shifting around him in a restrained manner like he's trying not to squirm and failing.
No fair. You've gotten too good at working him up. ]
[ It didn't take much to share more time together. Shouto made a life of pursuing what he wanted. He built a home where wanted it. Not with anyone's blessing or help. He simply started one day and slowly brought it to life, not an image, but a feeling he couldn't quite explain. He still can't, but he feels at home every time he steps over the rocks jutting out from the stream or walks up through the more traditional entrance made of stone carefully placed on the ground.
Allen would have found that Shouto had his own routine when he first started spending time at Prufrock. He didn't incorporate Allen into his routine as a good host might, but rather made room for him whenever he wanted to join him. He didn't expect him to - he never did of anyone - but he welcomed him when he did. Having grown up alone, Shouto learned to keep his own company. His time was limited back then, but here, he was free to fill it however he wished, so he did just that. Filling it with hard work and a quiet appreciation of the life around him.
Human contact was no less precious. He had to fight for every scrap of it for most of his life until the fight ran out of him and he accepted the status quo. That's why he made a point to join his friends whenever they invited him to get together, finding enjoyment in their company more than anything. It was the same with his brother; more so. He felt an urge to see him and constantly pressed him for more time together. With Allen... At first, he came and went, similar to what it felt like living in the dorms, except he sometimes slept over. Sometimes invited him to see the fireworks or a dinner. It was familiar, and something he accepted without question up until the nightmare world when he kissed him.
Things started to change then. Not just what they did together but his feelings for him. Sometimes it struck him just how much he felt for him. It was overwhelming but he wasn't afraid, only confused. Less so when he confessed to him. A love confession he remembered out of the blue sometimes leaving him staring at him until he was caught and he looked away. Since then, he's been more distracted by Allen. Staring more. Trying to settle his quirk whenever they got carried away, remembering that it wasn't anger that powered his fire but love. A budding sort of love that he hasn't fully realized yet which makes him more hesitant around Allen. Less sure of himself. So, when he finally allows himself to break free of it, he forgets himself. Pressing too much.
It's the act of Allen disrupting the kiss to whisper in his ear that breaks him out of his self-induced spell. His addled brain takes a second to process what's happening, missing the restrained way in which Allen holds himself. Shouto ends up blinking a few times, trying to settle the churning heat in his chest while he tries to figure out why they stopped. ]
Is... something wrong?
[ His voice is soft and steady. Already, he's rapidly cooling down internally so he can think properly, and not sound like a befuddled fool. ]
But that sort of question gets a blink from Allen, the surprise and realization that Shouto might have interpreted something he did as something being wrong a quick proverbial ice bath that clears his mind in a flash. ]
Eh? [ He pulls back lightly to look at him, pale eyes wide and quizzical. Did he give him the wrong impression? Or...
...what was it I was trying to say anyway? ]
No, nothing's wrong. [ He's quick to say it, his own voice soft but adamant as he leans in to kiss the corner of his mouth reassuringly, a gesture that comes so easily and naturally now. Please don't misunderstand.
He reaches to brush some of the longer hair from his face, a completely ineffectual gesture but one he does with a gentle reverence anyway. Appreciating the way the thin strands of red and white immediately fall back into place and watching him with a quiet sort of marvel. The hazy but soft look in his mismatched eyes. ]
[ Sounder in mind than he was a few seconds ago, Shouto catches the wide-eyed look which only reinforces his original thought.
What's wrong?
It's the reassuring kiss at the corner of his mouth that eases any further misgivings. He tilts his head, not quite staring, but observing him in an attempt to read him. Not his thoughts but his feelings.
[ ...You always manage to ask things a certain way or say something in such a simple and obvious sort of way that he wasn't quite expecting. That make him stop and have to actually take stock of himself and how he looks at things, and that's no different.
It makes Allen blink for a moment, his expression gentling and becoming thoughtful as he lets himself become aware of himself again. Of Shouto. The gentle pull he feels in his chest that makes him want to press close even when they already are, that makes him feel so at ease to hold him and be held. The warmth and solidity of Shouto's larger frame that's so real and present; how comfortable and natural over time his hips have come to feel fit between his thighs. How unthinkable a time whenever that wasn't true seems now.
...and his own anxiety and uncertainty, that winds itself up whenever Shouto does the same with him. Stirred up and nowhere to go except to circle in tighter on itself. It sits like an obnoxious ball in his stomach; an elephant in the room he's persistent on ignoring because he doesn't want to be anxious and knows he has no reason to be.
But his expression softens with an answer that becomes so very obvious the moment he comes to him, and he rests his palm against Shouto's cheek so gently. ]
[ Elusive to his eyes, Allen's subtle expressions are lost amid his changing demeanor. His skills are barely sharp enough to make out the gentling of his eyes or the way he grows lax around him, no longer holding onto him so tightly. It's enough to infer a change, even if the reason for it remains a mystery. His words too, feel like a puzzle piece he's meant to solve. Only he already has so many pieces that don't seem fit at all. ]
I am what?
[ He feels like he should know. The pieces are there for him to figure out, but he's always been better at asking directly than waiting for answers to reveal themselves. Sometimes, he wasn't a patient guy. ]
[ He halfway expected it to be honest, and just smiles very gently at the question. Demure, and his eyes slide a titch to the side to somewhere just over Shouto's shoulder. ]
Right. [ So no, nothing is wrong. And he sets both hands to either side of his face to gently pull him in to seal his lips to his. A kiss begun so simply and sweetly as his fingers slide back into his hair as he lingers; presses close. Deepening and getting lost in it slow, sweet, purposeful kind of way until they're both breathless again. ]
Sometimes... [ He murmurs it against against his mouth, not breaking contact anymore than he has to. Eyes lidded as he nuzzles very gently at him in a conscious, controlled manner. ]
...it's just so much that I don't know what to do.
[ He's right... about what? His brows crease in concentration, clearly not understanding. He starts turning the conversation over again, trying to figure out where he lost track of what they were saying when he's pulled into a kiss and then he forgets the question altogether.
His arms wrap around him, enclosing him in the heat, and explores his mouth without any second guessing. I don't get you sometimes, but this... His eyes fall shut, swept up by the kiss and he warms under his touch, enamored by the gentle caress he's come to associate with Allen. ]
It's fine like this.
[ He presses his cheek to his. ]
You can hold me like this. Or I can hold you until it passes.
[ He sets a hand on top of his head, holding him to him in the most precious manner he knows. ]
[ Then it's a good thing Allen prefers leading with action instead of words when it comes to some things. ♥
But he blinks slightly at such a sweet and plain offer, the hand cradling his head down and to his chest so delicately. His expression becomes a little caught, marveled, and his hands settle around Shouto's waist. Fingers curling into the fabric before he relents and lets something go, relaxing fully against him then as he lets his eyes close. Ah. Even without really understanding it you said something that helps. Even if...
Even if part of him feels rather bad about it. He owes you a better explanation but he doesn't even really have one for himself. Sometimes... he feels like he can be rather bad at this.
So he noses distractedly at his open collar and presses an absent kiss there, grateful, but quiets as his thoughts drift. As the tension unwinds. ]
Shouto— [ He begins softly, keeping his face pressed where it is and his arms around his waist. ]
...do you think about what happens in the next year sometimes? Where you'll be.
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Also, they smell like him and that's comforting. But good luck getting Allen to admit that to anyone other than Timcanpy.
His expression flickers uncertainly for a moment at the request for clarification though, lips twitching in a small pout. Really? He's terrible at voicing what he wants when it comes to things like this because it's hard enough to admit them to himself. It's like pulling teeth!!
He considers it strongly for a moment though, pale eyes flickering seriously between Shouto's for a moment—before he thumbs the clasp open with shockingly deft ease. Following it up immediately by leaning forward to quickly kiss the apex of his throat between the loosened collar where it had been.
He could nip at his throat, but he doesn't. Yet. ]
That. [ Nonchalant. ♥ ]
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He built the house with no one but himself in mind. If Allen seems cold, he'll find him a very nice lunar heater. For now, he'll just have to do with him. He doesn't mind. Not even when you go and do something like that.
The quick snap of the clasp giving under his thumb is loud in the room, louder still, the sharp inhale of someone discovering something new about themselves. Heat stirs at the pit of his stomach, leaving him breathless and a little sensitive, enough to have him bring a hand up to cover up the spot he kissed. ]
That felt warm.
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And... technically Allen could easily bring in a heater from Sanctuary. Technically if Viktor caught even a whiff of it they'd probably be inundated with heat-producing gadgets. Has he? No. So far he's actually been quite content with making do by borrowing sweaters and using the excuse to press close to Shouto.
That reaction evokes one of quiet fascination from Allen though, staring a little before his gaze slips aside shyly when Shouto touches his throat where he kissed him. Ah. Even just a quick kiss then—
His legs shift a little restlessly for a moment, uncertain. He peeks back at him, expression soft but serious. ]
Do you... want me to do it again?
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He can fret all he wants, he'll be getting a new one on a biweekly basis. Considering these aren't the normal grandpa ones, Allen can assume he had a little help choosing them. They're definitely more stylish than his own. He'll find the cozy ones first before he starts finding the ones nice enough to wear to a party.
Technically, Shouto could buy him a heater instead of sweaters. If he did, he wouldn't need to use him as a heater anymore.
He's a little stunned by his own reaction, Shouto completely misses Allen's shy look. His quirk has stopped being a factor for a while now, so to have the heat react that way... he's not sure what happened. As for the question, that leaves him just as speechless. Did he... want that?
His mouth goes dry, and his throat works overtime to swallow down the very real jitters that question evokes from him. ]
I... wouldn't mind.
[ And to emphasize his point, he slowly drops his hand. ]
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Biweekly?! He's going to confront him at some point, somewhat torn as he's incredibly grateful and touched beyond words just at the thought more than anything else, let alone that they're so nice and he's had a max of like four outfits at any point in his life, but... he knows he doesn't... have to, right? That Allen wasn't trying to drop any sorts of hints by borrowing his so much? After making sure that isn't the case he'll be okay with accepting them, but will still get rather emotional every time. It's just how he is. And don't you dare go buy a heater because you think it would get the job done better than clinging to Shouto at night. Not unless you want him to sulk and be unpredictably moody for the next week.
Allen didn't miss that either, the comment that it felt warm but Shouto himself didn't seem to spike in temperature. He hasn't for a while, not like he used to, and Allen's welcomed the apparent stability he seems to feel more now and how he doesn't have to be as careful to do something that might catch him offguard and cause it to swing dangerously. Being able to kiss and just be with each other more freely—even if that means that Allen is the one now who sometimes hits an invisible wall inside himself and becomes incredibly skittish while fumbling for some poor excuse for needing a moment to breath. But also...
...when had Shouto ever described something feeling warm? Except when speaking once of his mother.
His expression becomes gentler at the almost nervous-seeming response, and without saying anything he leans forward on his palms to kiss the tip of Shouto's nose in quiet reassurance and silent pact. So very chaste and innocently, the same way a small child might. ]
Okay. [ He tips his head slightly to kiss his cheek next, following the frame of his face down. Still chaste, still sweet as he lets his hands settle at the back of his utility belt to pull them into a warm, loose embrace like he had pulled Allen close before.
Truth be told, he has some nerves now too when it's just out there and not something he did on the sly. Honestly he doesn't even know what he was thinking, offering that. It just seems so brazen now to just... do. But something clicks as he distracts himself by kissing along his jaw and paying attention to the spot just under his ear, and he stills a little at the poignant truth of it.
I wanted to cherish you, didn't I? ]
...tilt your head a little? [ He murmurs it more softly against his skin, nuzzling at his jaw faintly, as he brings a hand to let his fingertips graze across his throat. ]
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He can confront him as many times as he wants. Two sweaters a month isn't a lot, and you're not going to convince him otherwise. As for those hints he's talking about, Shouto is just going to stare at him like he's grown a second head. Feeling overwhelmed by feelings too big for him is something Shouto is no stranger to. So, feel free to express yourself. He may or may not notice his dilemma. Look, he's not the greatest at deducing the source of big feelings. As for the heater, well, he will ask him at one point if he wants one. He knows people get cold in the winter, and he doesn't want him to suffer when he's not there.
That kiss. It touches a piece of him that's been buried in ice for years. It tempers the heat and his view narrows to soft grey eyes. He keeps him in his line of sight as long as he can before Allen disappears in favor of peppering him with sweet kisses that leave him breathless and hyperaware of his every move.
But that tug at his belt breaks the stalemate. The ice recedes and the heat starts to rise with every kiss. When that question is laid at his feet, it starts to overflow and he grows warm under his care. Still, he remains in control. Hyperfocused on his every move, Shouto tilts his head slightly to the right, leaving him exposed in a way he'd never allow for anyone else. ]
Like this?
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He gives a small hum in the affirmative when Shouto tips his head and presses his lips sweetly to the exposed side of his neck, lingering at feeling the steady pulse there. The warmth radiating gently from him, and his expression flickers lightly with the reminder to go slow. Fond. ]
Mm. [ Allen slips two fingers slightly under his collar to push it back so he has more room, and repeats the kiss a little lower. His other arm staying looped down by Shouto's waist to keep him close in embrace, almost like they were dancing.
But he mouths gently at his neck with a soft, lovingly drag of teeth this time as he sucks lightly at the skin. Not quite hard enough to leave a mark. Something he'll keep repeating in soft, mouthing kisses if he can that cascade down towards his collar as he gains confidence. ]
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His fingers bunch the material near his tailbone. The bold curiosity from before quietly melts under the pressure of soft lips that sensitize his skin on their way down to his collar. The sensation of teeth has him holding his breath leaving him staring wide-eyed at his shoulder before his hand abruptly clutches at his back. The light suction at his neck has him opening his mouth to say something but only a soft gasp escapes him.
He starts to shift in his embrace, restless. Hot. Heavy breathes. Warm skin. Fingers clutching at his back. Seconds pass by before he manages to form a coherent sentence. ]
That... feels nice.
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He blinks a little hazily, lips grazing where his neck meets his shoulder as he stills lightly at Shouto's response. At all of his responses, but especially the understated way his voice sounds so affected. Like that night before, when that book had trapped them in Allen's world—when he had gasped when he had paid similar attention to his neck then but Allen had become gunshy of his own reaction and backed off. Like then it leaves his own stomach feeling knotted up, and his knees tighten slightly at his hips in response to the fingers digging into his sweater.
He exhales softly, a little shakily, and takes a moment to push down something he almost said. To figure out what he wants to actually say instead. He's better than someone who lets their hormones get the better of them. It's a point of very stubborn pride. ✰ Or so he tells himself.
But I just want to make you happy, and feeling good or nice is part of that. ]
...do you want me to keep going? [ He asks it so softly, so innocuously and genuine, even as he nips softly at his throat again. Where he had surprised him with a kiss before, and that he immediately amends by sucking lightly at the spot. ]
Or did you want to go eat...?
[ You know, before it gets cold. Except that it's a cold dish...? ]
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No good.
He forces himself to stillness locking eyes with Allen while displaying a calm demeanor bustling with unspent energy derived from an impassioned source. He regards him with an intensity palpable in the way his grip tightens on his back but goes no further. He mutes himself, reaching for the cold to calm the turbulence pulsing in his chest. Yet, the fire continues to burn behind those heterochromic eyes, hidden under a veneer of control that leaves him looking mild-mannered beneath the firestorm.
It's enough to help him focus on a question posed so innocently, yet feels more like a temptation under the guise of a balm. He hardly knows if he's meant to take it or not which leaves him shy of answering. ]
What do you want?
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You're holding yourself back, aren't you. He can feel it in how tightly he's still gripping at his back in complete disconnect to what's on his face. Is it because he's afraid of losing control of his quirk again? Except, no... he hasn't for so long, it's probably not that. Or not just that. And wondering for what other reason that could be has his mouth run a little dry, and he shifts a touch restlessly himself as the jitters sink in.
Dinner is already waiting, one he actually worked pretty hard on (on cleaning up after more than the making) but does he want to go eat? He...
He's never been less inclined. ]
...I don't mind letting it wait. [ He says it so very softly, eyes hooding quietly and soberly at the realization. ] It's okay if it's cold.
[ He leans in then, bringing up both hands to lightly cup Shouto's face as he very quietly grazes a kiss against his cheekbone. Perfectly chaste and sweet; a reminder it's okay to breathe. ]
Would you kiss me too? [ That's what he wants. And—
...You look like you want to more than you want him to. ]
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Yes.
[ A single word to encompass a surge of heat kept at bay by a steady grip on a quirk quick to swing from one extreme to another. A reflection of his state by all accounts except the one that matters. He was made not to contain but to blend two opposing forces. A perfect vessel for the extreme.
Volatile. Calm. Steady. Capricious. ]
I'd like that.
[ Allen was right. It no longer overwhelms him being like this with him. Even as the intensity of his feelings grew, breaking new ground, he no longer found himself at odds with his quirk. By accepting his wants and desires, control was a natural side effect. It's not pitch-perfect, but better than it was before. This time, there's no risk to Allen or their surroundings.
Shouto reaches for Allen, hauling him forward to close off the distance between them, and settles his hands on either side of his waist in a steady grip. ]
What kind of kiss?
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What kind? He tips his head to the side with a slightly puzzled look at such a direct sort of ask. No, he knows there are many different kinds of kisses; it's been half of the unspoken dance they've had for months. But asking what sort he wants?
Allen hesitates for a moment, trying to pick apart why that bothers him. The idea of picking and choosing kisses. And his expression gentles as he does, eyes hooding softly in understanding. ]
...the kind you feel in your heart.
[ He pauses, shifting lightly as he realizes he probably should explain that better. And he stalls for a moment by tipping his chin up to kiss the the tip of Shouto's nose as easily and delicately as a fairy in what he doesn't even realize is a perfect demonstration of what he means. Nuzzles very faintly at him like that before pulling back just enough to look at him, and continues speaking in a soft, low tone that's the only kind that feels right when they're this close together. ]
I think... a kiss can be another way of trying to say something. Something that sometimes doesn't fit into words very well, and can feel too big to hold onto. Something you want to share that isn't easy to figure out how to share otherwise.
[ How do you think he hasn't made many terrible missteps himself when he's normally a bit of a disaster? That he seems like he knows what he's doing more when it comes to things like this when honestly he doesn't? It's because he knows his heart and what's in it and views physical affection as something that should be an expression of it. Puts it on a pedestal and judges people who don't very harshly. They're an extension of him and how he feels.
Instinct, he called it before, but he hadn't been entirely right. It's a lot more than that. ]
So... it should be that. [ It should always be that, and Allen presses another small kiss to the corer of his mouth as if to demonstrate. Something that's gentle but with an underlying sort of neediness. ] The kind that you feel says what's inside you.
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...the kind you feel in your heart.
Split perfectly in half; his heart acts as the engine of his quirk. Blending cold and hot, then pumping it to the rest of his body, turning chaos into order. A dichotomy that extends beyond his quirk reflected in his personality. Quiet, yet bold. Patient and capricious. Each side of him in direct opposition to the other. His world was always a balancing act built on a disciplined, fragile heart. One, he learned to protect with ice walls and a cold demeanor. It kept people at bay until he willingly opened himself up and allowed the ice to melt, exposing him to new worlds and new ideas while leaving him less sure of himself.
What do I feel?
Such a simple question that's taken him the better part of the last year to explore. Pushing past his own preconceptions to uncover hidden depths about himself. He has yet to settle on how to move forward when it comes to his family, but he's made great strides with his friends. He knows what he feels for them. For Allen.
His eyes drop down to his mouth, and the question changes from what he feels to what he wants. He's always been better at defining a goal and going after it. What do I want? His face lowers, and his lips brush against his, ghosting over his mouth, exploring. Guided by feelings he's yet to define, he follows their lead, pressing down in a gentle kiss filled with promise. His eyes soften, and he takes a breath before delving deeper. He licks his lips, tempering the building heat with slow movements.
I want you.
He sucks on his lower lip. His mouth is hot. Hotter than expected, though maybe not for someone who can catch on fire. There's no trace of coldness in the kiss or in the way his fingers grip his hips with enough strength to hold him in place without leaving a bruise.
I want you to want me too. ]
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Vampire.But even if it was something like that...Even something like that would be okay, as long as it was what he genuinely felt and wanted to do. I want to know what that is. Even if it might make Allen squawk and... have to gently advise him on... what might be a better approach. But he wouldn't regret it because it would have been Shouto's honest feelings. And there's been very little that was ever honest or what it seemed to be in Allen's life, maybe even most of all Allen himself. So, to him... it's important that this is. That they are. That it's different with Shouto. Better.
Even if that makes him question if maybe that means he's been wrong about a lot.
But his eyes flutter in light surprise at being kissed so gently at first. So sweetly but with a growing heat, and any apprehension he might have had melts away as his expression softens and he hums his appreciation as he meets him halfway in the kiss. Oh...
You really have gotten a lot better at that.
Fingers of one hand sift through the short hairs at the nape of his neck, mussing the red with the white, while the other dig lightly into the fabric at his shoulder. Encouraging, although he jolts lightly when Shouto catches his lip. An audible breath caught in his throat as his legs come up and squeeze his hips tight. Something that snapshots reality suddenly in a way even Allen can't ignore, the warmth and solidity of being pressed close to another like this, but...
But he also doesn't care, and pulls Shouto closer a second later by the front of his uniform so he can kiss him more deeply in a flare of passion he gets lost in exploring. Lets himself explore, when normally he's reigned in and a little nervous about that sort of thing most of the time -- even if day by day becoming less so. I know what I wanted was to talk to you tonight about things, really important things, and I still want to, but...
Please keep going. ]
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It's odd how someone can fill his world so completely without trying. By all accounts, he should be worried about his friends clashing with his brother, yet his thoughts aren't consumed by the brewing tension between them. Instead, they linger on Allen more often than not. Not on anything in particular. It's how he ends up coming home with pastries out of the blue or why Allen has caught him staring at him more frequently as time goes on. He doesn't apologize and goes back to what he was doing, able to compartmentalize what he feels with what he needs to do.
But when they're like this. Delving into unexplored territory together, his entire focus is on Allen. The sounds he makes, the tell-tell signs he's slowly catching on to. The way his fingers burrow into his hair, messing it up. Or the way his legs wrap themselves around him, abruptly tightening here and there. He likes that. He likes a lot of things about Allen when they're like this, but mostly, he likes kissing him.
Holding Allen is easy. More than that, it's electrifying. He licks his lips tasting the scent of a cold dewy morning, enjoying the way Allen pulls at his hair, and sighs in satisfaction when his legs squeeze at his hips in a way he's come to appreciate. No longer holding back, he moves his hands down his thighs and up again in a back-and-forth pattern, teasing in its execution, as he kisses him senseless. In payment, of course. ]
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It's realizing he has the freedom to... have some freedom, you know? That it isn't an unthinkable or unreasonably selfish thing. That the world won't end. His debts won't spiral out of control. People won't die. As an exorcist he'd never had that kind of luxury before—ever. And it isn't even for the personal enjoyment and contented feeling that comes from sitting side by side and making a meal together, or the sweet kind of balm to an ever-present ache in his chest that comes from kissing him. It was from wanting to see those rare small smiles he can sometimes get and realizing he could cause them. From recalling the sheer joy radiating from such a quiet, muted person when he had come back from the dead, and when he snapped back to himself after the nightmare that forced the specter of Nea back.
The realization that I can make you happy, even if only in small ways, and that it made him so unspeakably happy too. Without having to compromise himself. He started slowly re-arranging his life because of that. A blazingly strong desire to nurture and protect that special sort of shared joy. Maybe subconsciously, but no less steadily.
It's... nice. So nice it makes his heart swell with a painfully sweet sort of joy, and if Shouto ever catches him looking somewhat overcome for no discernable reason he'll quickly try to make some excuse and quietly laugh it off as nothing.
If pushed, he'd just say he was happy. ]
Nn-- [ It's the strong hands rubbing at his thighs in such a meandering and distracting manner that catch him off-guard and jangle his nerves, quickly winding them up like a ratchet. That pull a soft and breathy sound from Allen that gets swallowed up by forceful kisses that have him bent back slightly and makes his hands snag at and dig into the material of Shouto's uniform.
Allen... found kissing a calming thing initially, you know? Something that touched a very deep sort of ache and soothed it even as it might also stir his blood. He told Shouto as much even. And they still do; still soothe that lonely ache. But like this, like more often lately when they start to get carried away-- ]
Shouto... [ It's a little dazed, feeling exposed and having to break away to suck in a breath and whisper it by his ear in a threadbare sort of way. His legs shifting around him in a restrained manner like he's trying not to squirm and failing.
No fair. You've gotten too good at working him up. ]
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Allen would have found that Shouto had his own routine when he first started spending time at Prufrock. He didn't incorporate Allen into his routine as a good host might, but rather made room for him whenever he wanted to join him. He didn't expect him to - he never did of anyone - but he welcomed him when he did. Having grown up alone, Shouto learned to keep his own company. His time was limited back then, but here, he was free to fill it however he wished, so he did just that. Filling it with hard work and a quiet appreciation of the life around him.
Human contact was no less precious. He had to fight for every scrap of it for most of his life until the fight ran out of him and he accepted the status quo. That's why he made a point to join his friends whenever they invited him to get together, finding enjoyment in their company more than anything. It was the same with his brother; more so. He felt an urge to see him and constantly pressed him for more time together. With Allen... At first, he came and went, similar to what it felt like living in the dorms, except he sometimes slept over. Sometimes invited him to see the fireworks or a dinner. It was familiar, and something he accepted without question up until the nightmare world when he kissed him.
Things started to change then. Not just what they did together but his feelings for him. Sometimes it struck him just how much he felt for him. It was overwhelming but he wasn't afraid, only confused. Less so when he confessed to him. A love confession he remembered out of the blue sometimes leaving him staring at him until he was caught and he looked away. Since then, he's been more distracted by Allen. Staring more. Trying to settle his quirk whenever they got carried away, remembering that it wasn't anger that powered his fire but love. A budding sort of love that he hasn't fully realized yet which makes him more hesitant around Allen. Less sure of himself. So, when he finally allows himself to break free of it, he forgets himself. Pressing too much.
It's the act of Allen disrupting the kiss to whisper in his ear that breaks him out of his self-induced spell. His addled brain takes a second to process what's happening, missing the restrained way in which Allen holds himself. Shouto ends up blinking a few times, trying to settle the churning heat in his chest while he tries to figure out why they stopped. ]
Is... something wrong?
[ His voice is soft and steady. Already, he's rapidly cooling down internally so he can think properly, and not sound like a befuddled fool. ]
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But that sort of question gets a blink from Allen, the surprise and realization that Shouto might have interpreted something he did as something being wrong a quick proverbial ice bath that clears his mind in a flash. ]
Eh? [ He pulls back lightly to look at him, pale eyes wide and quizzical. Did he give him the wrong impression? Or...
...what was it I was trying to say anyway? ]
No, nothing's wrong. [ He's quick to say it, his own voice soft but adamant as he leans in to kiss the corner of his mouth reassuringly, a gesture that comes so easily and naturally now. Please don't misunderstand.
He reaches to brush some of the longer hair from his face, a completely ineffectual gesture but one he does with a gentle reverence anyway. Appreciating the way the thin strands of red and white immediately fall back into place and watching him with a quiet sort of marvel. The hazy but soft look in his mismatched eyes. ]
The opposite...
no subject
What's wrong?
It's the reassuring kiss at the corner of his mouth that eases any further misgivings. He tilts his head, not quite staring, but observing him in an attempt to read him. Not his thoughts but his feelings.
The opposite... ]
What's right?
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It makes Allen blink for a moment, his expression gentling and becoming thoughtful as he lets himself become aware of himself again. Of Shouto. The gentle pull he feels in his chest that makes him want to press close even when they already are, that makes him feel so at ease to hold him and be held. The warmth and solidity of Shouto's larger frame that's so real and present; how comfortable and natural over time his hips have come to feel fit between his thighs. How unthinkable a time whenever that wasn't true seems now.
...and his own anxiety and uncertainty, that winds itself up whenever Shouto does the same with him. Stirred up and nowhere to go except to circle in tighter on itself. It sits like an obnoxious ball in his stomach; an elephant in the room he's persistent on ignoring because he doesn't want to be anxious and knows he has no reason to be.
But his expression softens with an answer that becomes so very obvious the moment he comes to him, and he rests his palm against Shouto's cheek so gently. ]
You are.
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I am what?
[ He feels like he should know. The pieces are there for him to figure out, but he's always been better at asking directly than waiting for answers to reveal themselves. Sometimes, he wasn't a patient guy. ]
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Right. [ So no, nothing is wrong. And he sets both hands to either side of his face to gently pull him in to seal his lips to his. A kiss begun so simply and sweetly as his fingers slide back into his hair as he lingers; presses close. Deepening and getting lost in it slow, sweet, purposeful kind of way until they're both breathless again. ]
Sometimes... [ He murmurs it against against his mouth, not breaking contact anymore than he has to. Eyes lidded as he nuzzles very gently at him in a conscious, controlled manner. ]
...it's just so much that I don't know what to do.
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His arms wrap around him, enclosing him in the heat, and explores his mouth without any second guessing. I don't get you sometimes, but this... His eyes fall shut, swept up by the kiss and he warms under his touch, enamored by the gentle caress he's come to associate with Allen. ]
It's fine like this.
[ He presses his cheek to his. ]
You can hold me like this. Or I can hold you until it passes.
[ He sets a hand on top of his head, holding him to him in the most precious manner he knows. ]
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But he blinks slightly at such a sweet and plain offer, the hand cradling his head down and to his chest so delicately. His expression becomes a little caught, marveled, and his hands settle around Shouto's waist. Fingers curling into the fabric before he relents and lets something go, relaxing fully against him then as he lets his eyes close. Ah. Even without really understanding it you said something that helps. Even if...
Even if part of him feels rather bad about it. He owes you a better explanation but he doesn't even really have one for himself. Sometimes... he feels like he can be rather bad at this.
So he noses distractedly at his open collar and presses an absent kiss there, grateful, but quiets as his thoughts drift. As the tension unwinds. ]
Shouto— [ He begins softly, keeping his face pressed where it is and his arms around his waist. ]
...do you think about what happens in the next year sometimes? Where you'll be.
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